


And This Is Now

by WindInYourSail



Series: Full Circle [2]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-03 04:29:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19456372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WindInYourSail/pseuds/WindInYourSail
Summary: Maggie Malone runs into Rafael Barba after fifteen years.Note:This is part two of my Full Circle series. It’s almost complete so I’ll post the number of chapters once I know... It’ll most likely be six, possibly seven.I won’t be using any of the shows episodes, but I’m picturing this fic taking place maybe a year and a half or so after Barba starts working with them.





	1. Chapter 1

I’m running late, too late to stop for coffee but I will be completely useless without it and since I’m already late anyway... I dart in a corner coffee shop, texting my assistant as I stand in line, chuckling to myself at the man in front of me tapping his foot impatiently. I read through a few emails never once glancing up until I reach the counter to place my order

I had moved to New York four months ago, the job opportunity to good to pass up. My boyfriend in DC hadn’t agreed with me. He worked at the White House in communications, not a public figure, more of a behind the scenes speech writer or sorts, though thats not all he did. His job was there though... in DC. He made it clear he wouldn’t even consider long distance if I moved which honestly solidified the decision for me. Work had always been a priority and I’d be damned if I was compromising it for a man I had been with for maybe a year.

“Rafael! Maggie!” I chuckle at the name that was called along with mine as the barista sat two drinks on the counter. How long had it been since I had heard that name...

I reach the counter first, spinning one of the drinks until I see my name scripted across the side in black sharpie.

“That one yours?”

My eyes shot up recognizing the voice almost immediately.

“Rafael Barba.” I stretch out his name playfully, smiling at him when he pauses what he’s typing to actually look at me.

“Maggie Malone.” He smirks, slipping his phone in his jacket pocket and grabbing the coffee I hadn’t picked up. “I thought you lived in DC.”

“I did, up until four months ago. Last time I talked to you, you were complaining about being given the shit cases that nobody wanted at the Brooklyn DA’s office.” I gesture to the suit he has on. “I take it that’s changed.”

“Yeah, well... win enough of those and they start giving you the cases that you’re supposedly guaranteed to lose...”

“And if you win enough of those?” I can’t help but smile at how pleased he seems with my question.

“They approve your transfer to the Manhattan DA’s office and let you have a little more control over the cases you take... not that the Sergeant Olivia Benson at SVU gives me much choice...” The last bit is muttered more than spoken and I shake my head.

“Girlfriend?”

“Not even close.”

“Not even dating and she can get you to do what she wants.” I grin, pulling my phone out when I feel it vibrate.

“It’s not just me.” He huffs rather defensively.

I smile and glance at my phone. It’s an e-mail pushing the meeting I still have to prep for up an hour.

“Crap...” I groan. “What’s you’re number?”

Rafael rattles it off to me as I create a contact for him.

“I’d love to chat but I’m really late.” I sigh, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before rushing out of the coffee shop, typing out a quick text as I do.

M: I’ve missed you. -Mags

I glance over my shoulder just in time to see him pull his phone from his pocket and smile.

R: Same here.

I have to force myself to focus at work. Rafael had been the last person I had expected to run into that morning and my mind kept drifting back to him. He was the only person to ever have this effect on me and today of all days wasn’t the time to lose focus.

“Maggie, you ready?” Derek asks, poking his head in my office.

“As ready as I’m going to be.”

We make our way to the conference room, the door is shut behind us and curtains drawn. We were in a government building, one you had to have access to enter, but the clearance needed to be included in this meeting is higher than most others in the building. I still work for the NSA, the new job was a promotion. My direct boss still offices at the Pentagon, while I head the Cryptanalytic Diagnostic Division in the New York office. The NSA has satellite locations in most major cities, but New York has one of the larger offices.

I kick my shoes off as I enter my apartment, shifting them with my feet so that they’re out of the walkway. I set my purse on the entry table and quickly make my way to my bedroom to change. If I’m home I’m in pajamas.

I sink into my couch, curling up under the blanket I keep at one end, and flip the television onto the news. My phone is next to me on the couch and I hear it more than feel it vibrate.

R: Are you available?

M: Depends on what you need me available for.

R: To talk... a phone call.

M: Now?

R: No... after another fifteen years... yes now.

An image of him rolling his eyes fills my head and I can’t help but to laugh out loud. I pull up the contact I made for Rafael earlier that morning and call him.

“Hey Maggie.”

I’m grinning like at idiot. I can’t help it though. It was a voice I thought I’d never hear again. “Raf.”

“So you’ve moved to New York?”

“I have.”

“Still working on some super secret government thing?”

I can tell he’s smirking. “Something like that.” I chuckle.

“How busy does that keep you?”

“As long as there isn’t some kind of crisis, it’s pretty much a nine to five job. How busy does that Sargent keep you?”

“Entirely too busy.” He laughs. “Are you free tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?”

“I take advantage of my free time when I have it.”

“What time?”

“We could grab lunch... go to a museum. You always talked about wanting to go to The Met. Have you made it there yet?”

“I haven’t.” I fiddle with the blanket. “What time would you want to do lunch?” I don’t know if he’s asking because he wants to catch up with an old friend or if he wants... I stop myself from getting my hopes up. He may have let me kiss him the last time I saw him. He may have implied that he had loved me too. That doesn’t mean he’s let go of whatever reservations he’d had fifteen years ago...

“Eleven?”

“Sure.”

I let him pick the place since the city is still new to me. If it’s not within a few blocks of my work or home I more than likely don’t know it exist.

“Mags?”

“Yeah...”

“I’m really glad you stopped for coffee today.”

“Me too.” The grin on my face could rival that of kid’s on Christmas morning.

“Maggie Malone is in my city...”

“I’m pretty sure it’s not your city.”

“It’s more mine than yours.”

“Now who’s stubborn?” I chuckle.

“I thought you preferred headstrong?”

“For me. I’m headstrong... you’re stubborn. You’ve always been stubborn.”

“My one fault.”

I roll my eyes and laugh. “Yes, your only fault.”

We talk for hours, the conversation easy, like no time had passed at all. I switch the television off and move to my bed long before the conversation ends. I lay there talking with him, laughing with him, wondering if he was sitting on his couch or laying in his own bed.

“Goodnight Maggie. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight Rafael.”

I wake up earlier than I intend to, but since I’m to excited to go back to sleep I go ahead an get up. It’s still warm out so I opt for a maxi dress made of light material and sandals. I style my hair in soft curls and apply a minimal amount of makeup. While neither of these things have ever really interested me, I do like looking at least somewhat put together.

“Hey Mags.”

“Hey.” I smile, letting him guide me into the restaurant, his hand resting on the small of my back.

It’s a contemporary looking place with a little bit of everything on the menu. I thought he’d sit across from me but he doesn’t, instead he scoots in next to me on the booth side of the table.

“What’s good here?”

“Everything.” He smiles handing me a menu.

He’s right too, the food is fantastic. The banter while we eat is light, just two old friends catching up.

“How’s Patrick?” Rafael asks toward the end of the meal.

“He’s good, he’s engaged. I seriously thought that would never happen.” I chuckle.

“Really? I always thought he would marry Danielle.” Rafael shrugs.

“I knew that wouldn’t happen.”

“What was wrong with Danielle?”

“He said she was too fun... I can only guess at what that meant. It didn’t help that she kept him on a pretty tight leash. Charlene is fairly reserved... at least outwardly. I have no idea what they’re like when they’re alone.”

The waiter sits the bill down and I pull my purse into my lap to pay for my portion, but Rafael stops me, grumbling something about him having invited me to lunch. We walk side by side from the restaurant to The Met. He had purposely picked a place to eat nearby so we could walk, said that it was one advantage of the city that you could always find a great place to eat near your ultimate destination.

“Please let me get this, you got lunch.” I plead as we approach the museum.

“Fine.” He smirks, gesturing for me to lead the way to the admissions counter. “Do you have a New York drivers license?”

“I do, why?”

“Then basically its a donation.”

“Oh...”

Rafael chuckles and I roll my eyes. “How much was lunch?”

“Why?” He furrows his brow and frowns.

“Just thinking we can even things up.”

“Just give them thirty for the both of us.”

“Was lunch close to thirty?”

“No.” He’s grinning and I shake my head.

“Come on Raf... how much was lunch?”

“It’s your turn.” He smirks, pushing me toward the open attendant.

Even his eyes crinkle into a smile when I huff off to pay without the information I had requested.

“How much did you give?”

“Thirty... for each of us.” My smile is large and he exhales in annoyance.

“You do realize that’s more than admissions for out of state visitors.”

“They mentioned it. Is it closer to the amount of lunch?” I lift an eyebrow at him.

“Stubborn was definitely the correct descriptor.” He chuckles, taking my hand as we head towards the exhibits.

Rafael has insisted on walking me home. Technically he offered and ignored my one, not so strong, attempt to say he didn’t have to. I’m choosing to take that as insistence.

“Do you live anywhere near here?” I ask as we enter my building.

“Not really. It’s not far, but not exactly walkable either.”

He’s still holding my hand as we enter the elevator, he’s been holding it since the museum. I’ve dated since I left Cambridge. Three serious relationships, lots of really bad first dates, and a few that I thought might have had potential but fizzled quickly. None of them turned my stomach into a fluttery mess like he does.

“Are you seeing anyone?” I have to ask. I can’t feel like this around him and not know.

“Nope.” The corners of his lips twitch upward slightly. “Are you?”

“No.” Unlike him I don’t bother to fight my smile. He either wants this or he doesn’t and if it’s the latter then as heartbroken as I’d be... yet again... I’d prefer to know.

Annoyingly, he doesn’t say anything, just smiles with his eyes at me while I guide us to my apartment.

“This is me.”

“What are you doing tomorrow?” He asks, turning me so that I face him.

“Nothing.” My voice hitches as he moves closer.

“I can pick you up here, take you to lunch again...”

His lips are painstakingly close to mine and I swear my knees will give way at any moment. “Sure.” I manage to squeak.

Rafael’s arm wraps around my waist and tugs me toward him, his lips finding mine as the hand previously interlocked with mine caresses the side of my face. One of my arms wrap around him while the hand from the other nestles in his hair. I feel his tongue running along mine as my back presses against my front door. I moan softly against his lips, fearing his arms are the only thing helping me stand at this point.

“Maggie...” Rafael pants, pressing his forehead to mine.

“I swear to God if you call me Patrick’s little sister...”

“I wasn’t.” He chuckles, quickly kissing me again as if to prove it. “I just... maybe I should have admitted how I felt then.”

“It doesn’t matter now.” I smile, grazing my thumb across his cheek.

“But...”

“Rafael, if you had I would have taken a different job, something in New York, to be closer to you. I’m glad I didn’t do that. I can’t imagine doing anything else. The NSA was always my first choice and had I continued to entertain the possibility of you I wouldn’t have been able to move to DC.”

“We were close again that last semester...” Rafael sighs pulling me into a hug.

“I had already signed a contract.” I had also been nowhere near ready to date someone at that point. It had been nice to just have him as a friend again.

“I should have guessed that since you didn’t even wait for your graduation to leave.” He glances around the hallway and leans in to kiss me again.

My arms find their way around his neck, my lips curling up as I think about how crazy it is to be kissing him... really kissing him. For the briefest moment I consider inviting him in, but I don’t. I can’t.

“Does eleven work for tomorrow?” He pants, pressing his forehead to mine again.

“Yes.” I smile.

“I’ll see you then.” He smirks, giving me one last kiss before pulling back from me, watching me slip inside my apartment before heading off to his own.


	2. Chapter 2

Rafael picks me up promptly at eleven and we eat at a little place a few blocks from my apartment. It’s a place I frequent on the weekends because the food is good and since he insisted on forcing me to pick, it was the only place I could think of.

“What do you want to do now?” I ask when he takes my hand as we leave the restaurant.

“Honestly I just want to be with you, watch a movie or something like we used to.”

“We can watch something on Netflix or rent a movie off iTunes.” I shrug. I never put myself in a situation where I’m alone with someone this soon into a relationship... I’m assuming that’s where this is headed... but this is Rafael. It may have been fifteen years ago, but I have been alone with him... I used to live with him.

“Sure.” He smiles.

We walk hand in hand back to my place. I hesitate slightly before unlocking the door and I’m pretty sure he noticed, but he doesn’t say anything, simply follows me in.

“It’s not what I expected.” He’s looking around my living room like he’s searching for clues as to who I’ve become.

“What, you expected it to resemble my old bedroom from the Trowbridge house?” I chuckle at this because that room was an odd mixture of things from my childhood room at my parents home and things I bought after I moved out of the dorms. Either way, it was still very much the room of a teenager. My apartment is literally pulled from a page out of a West Elm catalog. I flipped through it, found something I liked and ordered... of course this was after I had lived on my own for a while... a long while... and had some savings built up.

“I never saw your room.”

“Sure you did... didn’t you?” I know he never hung out in there but I’m racking my brain for a time he had knocked on the door to tell me dinner was ready or something. I can’t remember him ever being there, only Patrick.

“It was intentional.” Rafael sighs.

“Why?”

“When we first moved into the house I thought of you as a kid and it just seemed more appropriate to let Patrick deal with you.”

“Deal with me?” I lift a brow.

“You know what I mean.” He smirks.

“Kind of, but go on.” I’m grinning and he rolls his eyes.

“I’m not exactly sure when you stopped being a kid to me... I mean you were smarter than both Patrick and I were combined and it wasn’t just in your chosen field of study, it was everything. If you were exposed to it you absorbed and comprehended it... I know you worked on assignments, but I can’t recall ever actually seeing you study. I found that...” Rafael blushes and turns toward my bookshelf.

“You found that what?” I reach my hand to his arm, coaxing him to look at me again.

“I really like intelligent women.” He’s so serious while making direct eye contact that it’s my turn to blush. “Your were also funny and attractive, despite never really trying to be... And yes you were less mature than the girls my age, but less face it so was I... It was incredibly easy to be around you.”

“That doesn’t explain why you avoided my bedroom.”

“At the time I couldn’t get passed having met you at fourteen... I knew logically you weren’t anymore, that your were only four years younger than me, but...”

“I was still Patrick’s little sister.”

“Yeah...” He sighs.

“And now?”

“Patrick who?” He smirks.

I chuckle as he leans in to kiss me, returning the embrace. We move to my couch, Rafael sitting first and pulling me so that I’m nestled under his arm. I lean forward to open the drawer in my coffee table where my remotes are, completely forgetting that I kept the koosh ball I had hoarded all these years there as well. Rafael tried and failed to fight the chuckle when he saw it.

“You still have this?” He smirks, picking it up and showing it to me.

“Of course I still have it, it led to my first kiss.”

Rafael’s face drops. “That was your first kiss?”

“And until you abruptly ended it, it had been perfect.” I smirk, taking his hand in mine as I flip the television on and bring up Netflix.

He still looks a bit crestfallen but I ignore it. I’m glad he was my first kiss, even if he hadn’t dated me.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For taking that from you.”

“You didn’t take anything from me. I wanted to kiss you.” I chuckle.

“But it should have been with someone who... someone who didn’t immediately tell you they couldn’t be with you.” He sighed.

“I’m glad it was you.” The next person to kiss me had been Jacob... I don’t vocalize this though.

“You’re sure.”

“I am.” I smile and he seems to relax a bit. “What do you want to watch?”

“I’m not picky.”

“Sure you’re not.” I chuckle and begin to scroll through the comedies since that’s what I’m in the mood for.

Rafael’s barely paying attention as I scroll, tossing the koosh ball in the air instead. I glance at him when the movie Just Friends pops up.

“What about that one?”

“Are you trying to tell me something?” He smirks.

“No. I just found the irony humorous.”

“We can watch it.” He shrugs.

I press play and set the remote on the coffee table, watching Rafael out of the corner of my eye as he continues to toss the koosh ball. I wait until I can time it right and snatch the ball out of the air before it reaches his hand again.

“Does the NSA train you for field work?” Rafael asks, cocking an eyebrow at me.

“No,” I chuckle, “I’m strictly behind a desk. Why?”

“Just curious if this will be harder than last time?” He grins, immediately trying to grab the ball from my grip.

I giggle and move it out of his reach. “Last time you had the advantage of having the ball... this time I do.”

“I’m not sure I had any kind of advantage once you got your boney little fingers prying into my palm.” He chuckles, pulling me closer so he can get to the hand I have stretched as far as I can away from us.

“They’re not boney.” I huff while attempting to pull myself from the couch. He’s stronger than me, and apparently faster... I’m quickly pinned beneath him giggling as he tries to pry the koosh ball from my hand.

“Rafael...” I feign distress and he quickly lets go of the ball and pulls up to look at me.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.” I grin, taking the opportunity to hide my hand between my back and the couch.

“You know cheaters never win.” He smirks, slipping his hand under me quickly finding his goal.

“Statistically they do.” I smile, switching the ball to my other hand before he can wrangle the one it had been in from beneath me.

Rafael rolls his eyes when I smile at the fact that my hand is empty. He doesn’t instantly resume his quest for the koosh ball, instead he seems to pause and think for a moment, his eyes scanning me as I lay beneath him. Then his hands move to my sides, slowly at first and my heart rate picks up. He smirks and then begins to tickle me.

“Seriously. Not. Fair.” I giggle as I thrash beneath him.

He gets a grip on the ball and succeeds in taking it from me, ending the tickle torment as he holds it up triumphantly. “See, cheaters never win.”

“Like tickling me isn’t cheating.” I grumble.

He chuckles and shifts so that his face is above mine. “Tickling is fair game.”

“Only if you’re ticklish too.” I move my hands to his sides tickling him now that I can breath again and he giggles as he collapses on top of me.

“Ok... ok... you can have it back.” He pants while jerking away from my fingers. I stop tickling him and he catches his breath, his head resting against my chest. “Jesus, I haven’t laughed this hard since...”

“Since that house on Trowbridge?”

“Yeah.” He smirks.

“You do realize we’re acting about as mature as we were then too.” I chuckle.

“Yeah, but when was the last time either of us felt comfortable enough to act so carefree.” He lifts himself up so that we’re face to face again.

“That house on Trowbridge.” I reply, watching him as he leans in to kiss me.

It’s fairly reminiscent of our first kiss, except he doesn’t pull back this time. His hands caress my face as mine reach into his hair both of us intensifying the kiss. Slowly his hands move lower, one grazing across my breast as they skim my sides toward the hem of my shirt. Fingers trail across my stomach, inching their way higher causing my top to bunch up. Rafael kisses down my jawline, my neck, pausing on my shoulder but it’s clear he intends to continue lower.

I’m frozen, panicked. “Rafael...”

“Uh hmmm.” He hums against my skin.

“Please stop.” I’ve whispered but it’s effective. He’s pulled back enough so he can see me, looking both confused and concerned. “I’m sorry.” I pull out from under him so I can sit, pulling my legs up in front of me and wrapping my arms around them in an attempt to hide the fact that I’m shaking.

“What did I do?”

“Nothing. It’s not you... it’s just...” I exhale and look at him, “I’m not sure if you’re thinking of this as a second date, but it feels like a second date...”

“It’s a second date.” He affirms.

I nod and continue, “I don’t...” my voice gets softer, “not on the second date.”

He seems slightly confused, but quickly realizes what I’m referencing and he pulls me into his side again. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. I just...”

Rafael smiles and interlocks his hand with mine. “I’ve waited this long, I can wait a little longer.”

“Did you ever tell anyone?” I ask, running my thumb across the back of his hand.

“You made me promise I wouldn’t.”

“I know, but you lived with Patrick for another year after I left... he’s never acted like he knew but I’ve always wondered.”

“I kept my promise. Have you ever talked to anyone about it?”

“You’re the only one who knows.”

Rafael tugs me under his shoulder and I wrap my arms around him while resting my head on his chest. As awkward as this should probably feel, it isn’t. Instead, it feels familiar and comfortable. He kisses my forehead and picks the remote back up, restarting the movie neither of us have been paying attention to.


	3. Chapter 3

My work week has been excruciatingly busy. There have been lots of late nights, which isn’t completely abnormal, but for my department late nights are usually occasional not consecutive days in a row. There’s an excessive amount of chatter and encrypted signals moving about in countries that this kind of activity sends off red flags for so we’ve been working overtime. My team is quick and efficient and by Friday we have narrowed down the threat, sent the information to the appropriate sector chiefs, and have regain the weekend that was once thought lost.

I’ve talked with Rafael daily, but I have yet to see him again. He’s been incredibly understanding about the lack of information I could give when begging off from dinner each night, only making one joke about whether he should be worried about a national security threat, a joke I chuckled at despite him not being far off base. There’s always some kind of threat, but that’s what the NSA is there for... to isolate and eliminate said threat.

R: I’m almost afraid to be turned down again, but are you free for dinner tonight?

I smile as I read his text. It’s the first time all week I can actually meet up with him.

M: I should be able to leave at five today and I can’t think of a better way to spend my Friday than with you.

R: I may still be finishing up a few things, but you could meet me at my office. There’s a great little sushi place nearby.

M: That works for me.

He sends the address including how to find his office and I try to focus on getting my work done and not my impending date with Rafael.

I’m taking a few minutes to straighten up my office since I haven’t had a chance all week when another text from Rafael comes through.

R: I need to run to the precinct briefly, could you meet me there instead?

M: Sure.

This address is sent with a lot longer description on how to find him, but it still seems simple enough.

M: I’m leaving in ten... twenty minutes max. I’ll take a cab.

R: See you soon.

I spend a little more time on my office and then call it good. I’m too excited to see him to care if everything is perfect or not.

“Can I help you?” I’m greeted by an fairly attractive man with dark brown hair.

“I’m looking for Rafael Barba and I hoping I’m in the right place.” I smile, especially at the face he’s made.

“You’re here for Barba?” This is from the blond woman sitting behind a desk. She has the same curious look on her face and it makes me wonder how long he’s known them.

“Yes.”

“He’s in with Benson.” Yet another voice pipes in, a man slightly older than the other two.

“Thanks. Is there a place I can wait?”

“Sure. I’m Nick by the way.” The first man says, guiding me toward a chair next to a desk closer to the other two that have spoken. I assume it’s his when he sits behind the desk himself.

“What do you need with Barba?” The blond asks before I can introduce myself to Nick.

“Dinner.” I smile and all three of them look at me.

Before any of them can ask a follow up question a door across the room opens and pulls there attention from me.

“Let’s see if Rollins has found anything before you shut me down, ok?” This is from the woman I assume is Benson that Rafael has exited the office with.

Rafael smiles at me and then turns his attention to the blond sitting not far from me, so I’m guessing she’s Rollins. “Did you find anything useful?”

Rollins shrugs and motions to her computer. “I’m working on it, but it’s so encrypted I may have to call TARU which will take longer than we have.”

“May I?” I’ve directed my question to Rafael, but have stood and moved closer to Rollins computer.

All eyes go from me to Rafael when he chuckles. “I have to be able to use whatever you do in court.”

“I am well versed in what constitutes a legal search, I promise to keep it admissible.” I smile, leaning behind Rollins desk to glance at her screen. She offers her chair when no one objects and watches as I type, quickly gaining access to the site she’s been trying to get into.

“We’re in.” Rollins states, sounding a bit surprised.

I give her her seat back, making my way toward Rafael as she starts looking for something that will help there case.

“Hey.” I grin.

“Hey.” Rafael smirks. “You didn’t use some kind of government access that’s going to come back to bite me in the ass did you?”

“No. Encryption is my specialty and that was child’s play.” I shrug, gesturing back at Rollins computer. “If you don’t want someone to have access to your stuff, you shouldn’t keep it online.”

“Anything we can use?” Benson asks Rollins.

“Oh yeah.”

Rafael and Benson both join Rollins at her desk, glancing over her shoulder.

“Give me a minute to get them a warrant.” Rafael smiles at me and I nod, watching him pull his phone out to make the call.

“What is it you do exactly?” Nick asks, moving to stand next to me.

“I work for the NSA, cyber stuff.” I smile. It’s vague and not an accurate description of my job but it works well enough in this context.

“How do you know Barba?” Benson asks.

“Harvard.” I glance at Rafael and he mouths “I’m sorry” and rolls his eyes.

“Law school?” Rollins questions.

“No. He was my brothers roommate in the dorms and then we all lived together.”

“You and your brother must be close in age.” Nick says.

“He’s four years older than me.” They all give me a curious look so I elaborate. “I was fourteen my freshman year at Harvard.”

“And you lived with Barba when you were...” Rollins pries, a bit of a smile threatening to form.

“Fifteen.”

Benson makes a face and stares at Rafael who rolls his eyes.

“Fifteen?” Nick smirks.

“My brother lived there too.” I chuckle.

“They’ve worked sex crimes too long.” Rafael huffs, standing next to me again.

“You prosecute sex crimes?” I whisper my question, mainly because I’ve realize it was something I didn’t know about him.

“Mostly.” He smirks.

“You’ve known him since you were fourteen but you didn’t know that?” The older man chuckles.

“Mags and I lost touch for a few years.” Rafael says, taking my hand in his, an act that doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Mags?” Nick questions, cocking a brow.

“Maggie Malone.” I smile.

“I guess I could have introduced you.” Rafael smirks.

“Still can.”

Rafael chuckles and points to the people as he names them. “Detectives Amanda Rollins, Nick Amaro, Odafin Tutuola, and Sergeant Olivia Benson.”

“The one who doesn’t give you much say in the cases you take.”

“She’s nothing if not persistent.” He smirks.

“Thanks.” Benson chuckles.

“Are you actually dating someone Barba?” Rollins grins.

“I am, and if you could manage without me this weekend I’d appreciate it.”

“The whole weekend huh?” I tease, lifting a brow at him.

Rafael rolls his eyes and tugs me toward the door. “You should have your warrant any moment.” He calls over his shoulder.

I wake slightly startled and disorientated. I’m conscious of the fact that I’m laying on someone, but in my sleepy state it takes me a minute to realize that person is Rafael and it’s his couch we’ve fallen asleep on.

“Raf.” I shake him and chuckle when he grumbles something about warrants in his sleep. “Rafael, wake up.”

“Huh. Hmmm. What?”

“We feel asleep.”

“So we did.” He smiles, tightening his arm around me.

“Do you have a t-shirt I could borrow?”

“I’m sure I have something. Are you staying?”

“I’m too tired to get home, so if you don’t mind...”

“I don’t mind.” He smiles again and guides me toward his bedroom.

Just like he never saw my room at the Trowbridge house I also never saw his, though that was less intentional on my part. I assume this is different considering everything is very contemporary and expensive looking, the varying shades of grey contrasted with white bedding.

“That’s bold a choice.”

“What is?” He chuckles, handing me a black shirt from the bottom drawer of his grey dresser.

“White sheets.” I smile. “Where’s your restroom?”

“Through there.” Rafael gestured to the door behind me.

I move to the restroom and slip out of my work clothes and bra, pleased to see that his shirt is long enough on me to hit mid thigh. I take the opportunity to use the restroom before joining him in his room again. He’s in his boxer briefs and undershirt, but somehow it doesn’t feel as though he’s only in his underwear.

“I think I have an unopened toothbrush from the dentist if you want it.”

“Sure.” I smile, following him back into the bathroom.

He hands me the toothbrush with his dentist’s logo printed on it, and puts toothpaste on his electric one, handing the toothpaste to me once I’ve removed the toothbrush from the package.

Rafael hesitates when we reach his bed, helping me tug the covers back but doesn’t crawl in when I do.

“What’s wrong?” I ask as I pull the covers around me.

“I can sleep on the couch.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I smile, patting the bed next me.

Rafael climbs in bed with me, pulling the covers over himself and I nestle myself into his arms.

“I guess we couldn’t sleep like this if I were on the couch.” He chuckles.

“Nope, now go to sleep.” I smile, pushing myself up enough to kiss him.

“Morning.” Rafael yawns as I shift in his arms to look at him.

“Morning.” I smile.

“Do you still like bacon and eggs for breakfast?”

“I do.”

“Let’s get up then and I’ll cook.” He smirks, dragging me behind him to the bathroom to brush our teeth.

Neither of us bother changing into something different than what we slept in, and his disheveled hair is reminiscent of our mornings in the kitchen on Trowbridge. I watch as he effortlessly cooks in his kitchen, everything thoughtfully placed to make the task as efficient as possible.

“So Patricks getting married?”

“He is, in the fall. They’re sending out save the dates soon if they haven’t already.”

“I assume he’s still in Connecticut?” Rafael questions with a mouthful of bacon.

“He is, he always liked it there. Me, I couldn’t wait to leave.”

“Why was that?”

“I had lived there my whole life,” I shrug, “I wanted to experience something new.”

“You lived there for fourteen years.” He chuckled.

“It’s not like I didn’t have a feel for it by then.” I smirk.

“So, fourteen years in Connecticut, six in Cambridge, fifteen in DC... how long do you plan to be in New York?”

“That depends on what New York has to offer.” Rafael is quiet for a moment, I guess contemplating whether I intend to be around long term. “Raf...”

“Would you be willing to settle down here, stay in one place?”

“For you, yeah...” I breathe, but it wasn’t meant to spoken and I know I’ve turned beet red.

One corner of his mouth tugs into a smirk and he looks entirely too pleased with himself for someone who knows I’ve been in love with him since before I could drive. Well, knows I used to be in love with him... we can cross the whole loving him now thing when I get to know the man he’s grown into a bit better. It feels the same though...

“Have you ever been close to getting married?” He asks, and I’m both annoyed and relieved he’s choosing to ignore my admission.

“I was engaged once. Ten years ago...”

“Really?” I’m pretty sure from the height of his eyebrows he wasn’t expecting that.

“Yes, really.” I chuckle.

“What happened?”

“I had wanted a long engagement, because I wasn’t in any real rush to get married. Eli was though, and when I couldn’t commit to a date after six months he broke off the engagement.”

“I’m sorry.” Rafael sighs.

“Things worked out ok.” I smile, reaching over to pat his thigh.

“You loved him?” I can’t help but furrow my brow, because of course I loved Eli. I wouldn’t have agreed to marry him if I hadn’t. “Sorry. That was a stupid question.”

“Maybe not that stupid... there was probably a reason I couldn’t settle on a date. Eli seemed to think so...” That reason may or may not have been that he hadn’t been Rafael... not even close to comparable.

Rafael squeezes my hand and it prompts me to pry into his love life. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Have you been engaged?”

“No.”

“You never even thought about asking someone?”

“No one ever came close to comparing with you.”

“You should have just dated me.” This is a deflection to avoid actually addressing what he’s admitted.

“I’ve always regretted that.”

“We’ve got a second chance now.” I interlace my fingers with his and he tugs me close enough to kiss me.

I’m on the verge of falling out of my chair so I opt to climb in his lap, straddling his thighs as his hands come to rest on my hips. We continue like this, my hands in his hair, my body pressing against his.

“Maggie...” He groans, pulling his lips from mine.

I can feel him beneath me and assume he’s concerned about taking things further. “Rafael... shut up.” I smirk, pressing my lips to his again.

He relaxes and returns the kiss, his hands gripping my hips below the shirt now. I reach to the hem, breaking the kiss as I pull the shirt over my head and toss it to the floor. His lips are slightly parted as his eyes scan me, his hands running up my sides pulling me closer as his mouth finds mine again. I wrap my arms around his neck and his hands lightly graze my back and sides, touching my bare skin for the first time.

It’s unexpected and I giggle when he lifts me, my legs wrapping around him, arms gripping his neck as he carries me back to his bedroom. I’m only in my underwear when he sits me on his bed and the sudden exposure, now that his body isn’t directly in front of me sends a shiver up my spine. I don’t have time to obsess over this though. He quickly returns from his dresser after setting something on the nightstand and rejoins me at the end of the bed, inching me backwards as he climbs above me.

I tug his shirt off and our lips connect again, his chest pressing against mine. I’m panting when his kisses move down my neck to my chest. I know I’ve instigated this, but I don’t move this quickly... ever... and part of me feels I should be panicked. I’m not though. I’ve never wanted anyone this much in my life... well, anyone but him. I completely trust him.

His kisses move lower, tonguing a nipple, nipping and suckling, then lower again trailing light kisses down my stomach, his fingers hooking into my underwear to slip them off. My breath hitches when his tongue slides along my slit, probing on its path to swirl my clit, his eyes connecting with mine.

I moan as I run my fingers through his hair... watching him.

Rafael has my back arched off the bed, my breathing labored, and I’m gripping the sheets to keep from buckling when he shifts me so his arm can hold me in place.

“Fuck Raf.” I groan, jerking against his grasp.

He kisses back up my torso to find my lips again. Holding me as I catch me breath. I glance to see what he had set on the nightstand, but from this angle it’s not visible. I assume it’s a condom, but he hasn’t reached for it. He hasn’t tried anything, just let me cuddle closer to him. I stretch my arm out, feeling for the condom I expect to find, smirking to myself when my assumption proves right. I turn to face him, smiling as I push the square packaged into his chest.

Rafael takes a deep breath and swallows as his hand reaches up to cover mine, taking the condom into his own palm, but not letting my hand go. I pull up to kiss him and he shifts above me, wiggling his underwear off in the process. His eyes never leave mine as he uses his teeth to open the package. It’s as though he’s trying to read me, to make sure I’m comfortable with what’s happening. He reaches between us, rolling the condom on and then adjust so that he’s between my legs.

He presses against me, easing forward, easing into me. He’s still watching me. I want to do this and I should be ok with him looking at me, but it’s so intense that I have to kiss him, anything so that I can relax the nerves that I can only attribute to the build up of having spent twenty years wanting him. It seems to relax him as well and he presses his body to mine as he fills me.

It’s everything I’d ever thought or hoped it would be. Rafael is in no rush, taking his time, pumping more than thrusting. We kiss, we touch, but mostly we just enjoy the connection. His eyes are softer now when we make eye contact, the initial stress of taking this step gone.

The rhythm he’s set, the pace, it works for me and soon I feel my release building. He seems to notice my shift in breathing and thrust faster. I moan and arch into his chest, his arms wrapping around me as I do. He kisses me and continues to pump, purposefully now, holding on until he feels me tighten and then stilling deep within me before relaxing against my chest.

“Maggie...” He pants, his head resting against my shoulder.

“Yes, Raf?”

“I love you.” I feel him tense, as though he’s panicked about the words he has spoken but realizes he can’t unsay them.

“I love you too.” I smile, pulling his head up so I can see his face.

“Is it crazy to feel this way so soon?”

“You mean for this long?” I smirk and he smiles, pushing a bit closer to kiss me.


	4. Chapter 4

I’m woken by the sound of my phone ringing. Rafael’s arms tighten around me as he grumbles something about it being Saturday. I glance at the clock before reaching for my phone off the nightstand. Six... who’s calling me at six on a Saturday? My eyes sleepily glance at the name on the screen and I chuckle.

“Hey Patrick.”

I feel Rafael’s body tense behind me. I guess he hadn’t thought about the fact that Patrick is still my brother and we do talk.

“Hey Mags... I wanted to run something by you before I did it.”

“Ok...” I twist in Rafael’s arms so that I’m facing him and bite my lip to keep myself from laughing at how wide awake he is now.

“You remember Rafael?”

“The guy we lived with for five years... yeah I think I remember him.” I chuckle while watching Rafael close his eyes and exhale.

“Right, of course... I was thinking about asking him to be one of my groomsmen.”

“Ok, what does that have to do with me?” Rafael and I have been together for a couple months now, but I haven’t mentioned this to my brother yet.

“Rafael was my closest friend then, but you two were always a bit hot and cold. Sometimes I would have sworn you liked each other and then you’d barely speak for a while... I just wanted to see how you felt about seeing him again before I asked. I’m not even sure he’d say yes, we haven’t spoken in a few years...”

“I have no qualms about seeing Rafael again, you should definitely ask.” I smile as Rafael rolls his eyes confirming my suspicion that he can hear Patricks side of the conversation.

“Ok, I will then. Will you be one?”

“One what?”

“One of my groomsmen. Charlene has already picked out a suit that will match but be more feminine. She’s really excited about it.”

“Of course I will. I take it Sam is going to be your best man.” I cuddle against Rafael and he tugs me closer.

“He has been my best friend since I was six.”

“Oh! Do I get to go to your bachelor party?” I sound entirely too excited.

Rafael chuckles, quickly clamping his mouth tight to quiet himself, though it’s unnecessary since Patrick’s own chuckle drowns him out. “If you want. Are you bringing Josh?”

Rafael’s head tilts as his brow lifts in an unspoken question.

“No. Josh and I ended things before I moved to New York.”

“Oh... I’m sorry Mags.”

“I’m not. He was uncompromising and an ass, besides I’m much happier now.” I run my fingers through Rafael’s hair, pushing the small bit that has fallen onto his forehead back with the rest of his hair, not that this improves his disheveled bed head look. It’s cute though so improving it wasn’t really my intent.

“Are you bringing a date?”

“Why don’t you just sit me next to Rafael.”

“And what if Rafael brings a date?” Patrick chuckles.

“Then sit me next to him and his date.” Rafael rolls his eyes and frowns at me.

“I’ll let Charlene know you’re on board with being a groomsman and call Rafael.”

“You seem excited.” I smile.

“I honestly never thought I’d get married, but...”

“Charlene’s kind of great.”

“She really is isn’t she...” I can tell he’s grinning. “I’ll let you get back to sleep, we’re about to go look at venues or something... apparently this will take all day.” This last bit he grumbles.

“Promise me you’ll sound more excited when you’re actually looking at them.”

“I will.” He chuckles, “bye Mags.”

“Bye.”

“He’s going to ask me to be a groomsman?” Rafael questions once my phone is safely on the nightstand again.

“Do you not want to?”

“No, I do... it’s just... I feel a little guilty.”

“Why, because you’re sleeping with his little sister?” I grin.

Rafael rolls his eyes and shifts to his back. “Yes.”

“Do you want me to tell him?”

“That we’re sleeping together?” His voice is higher pitched than I expect it to be and his eyes are wide as he lifts his head enough to look at me.

“No... that we’re dating,” I chuckle, “he can infer whatever he wants beyond that.”

“Could you? ...and maybe before he calls to ask me to be a groomsman. That way he doesn’t have to take it back if he changes his mind.” Rafael sighs.

“You know he wont actually care right? You were the overprotective one, not him.”

“I think he was more overprotective than you give him credit for.”

“Whatever... he likes you.” I shrug, pulling my phone from my nightstand again.

“You’re doing it now?”

“Why not?” I smile, pulling my phone to my ear as it rings.

“Because he’ll know I’m in bed with you...” Rafael whispers.

I chuckle and push up to give him a quick kiss before Patrick answers.

“Mags?”

“I forgot to tell you something.” I have to try hard not to laugh as Rafael hides his face behind his hands.

“Oh yeah?”

“I started seeing someone recently.”

“Really? How long?”

“Maybe two months now.”

“Well bring him as your date or are you concerned it’s too soon for a wedding together?”

Rafael peeks at me from between his fingers. “He may already be going depending on how you take the news when I tell you who it is.”

“I know him?”

“You asked me ten minutes ago if I was ok with him being a groomsman.”

“You’re dating Rafael?”

“I am.”

“And you didn’t tell me during the first phone call because you wanted to see how he felt about telling me?” Patrick chuckles.

“Pretty much.”

“So he’s with you now?”

“Yeah.” I grin, but mostly at the I told you so face Rafael has given me.

“Great, hand me off to him and you’ll save me a call.”

Rafael’s eyes widen as I hand him my phone and he shakes his head. I roll my eyes and shove it in his hand.

“Patrick, hi.” Rafael says as he reluctantly brings it to his ear.

“Hey did Mags mention the groomsman thing to you?” I can hear Patrick extremely well while I lay on Rafael’s chest.

“She did.”

“So, what do you think? I know it’s been a while but I’d like you up there with me.”

“Yeah, no I’d love to.” Rafael stammers.

“Great,” I hear Patrick chuckle and lift my head to see Rafael looking a bit annoyed, “you and Mags can get fitted for you suits together.”

I purse my lips to fight back my own chuckle, but Rafael feels my chest vibrate against his and glares at me.

“You’re ok with us?” Rafael sighs.

“You and Mags?”

“Yeah...”

“I’d much rather her be with you than either of the two guys I’ve met since Cambridge.” Patrick huffs and I know I look offended. They weren’t that bad... well Eli wasn’t bad...

Rafael on the other hand chuckles, appearing much more relaxed now. “Even the one she was engaged to?”

“God, Eli? He was a douche. Mags kept insisting he wasn’t but he was so full of himself I couldn’t stand being around him.”

“He wasn’t that bad.” I grumble close enough to the phone I know my brother can hear me.

“Yes he was. Every conversation was about him and who he knew or what he was working on... You couldn’t talk about anything actually interesting.”

“He tried lots of times to ask about your work or the girl you were seeing.” I counter, though the phone was still to Rafael’s ear.

“Yeah, only to relate it back to himself.”

“You two need a moment?” Rafael chuckles.

“No...” I mutter, resting my head on his chest again.

“I’ll get the information on where to go for your suits to Maggie.” Patrick says. I can hear Charlene in the background telling him they need to go. “It’s good to talk to you again.”

“Yeah, you too.” Rafael smiles.

“See, I told you he wouldn’t care.” I’ve grumbled this more than I meant to as I set my phone on the night stand again.

“Yes, because you apparently have terrible taste in men.” Rafael chuckles.

“You do realize my taste in men includes you?”

“I meant besides me.” He smirks, flipping me beneath him.

“Uh huh... of course, everyone but you.” I smile.

“Yep.” Rafael grins, tangling his fingers in my hair and leaning in to kiss me.

I giggle into the kiss, but the giggle doesn’t last long as he presses his body against mine. I adjust so that he’s lying between my thighs, lifting to meet him as he pushes into me.

We’re still laying in bed, Rafael’s arms wrapped loosely around me as my head rest on his chest. We’ve been lying here for a while post coital, my fingers tracing shapes along his chest, he’s brushing my hair behind my ear despite there no longer being hair to shift off my face.

“Eli wasn’t a douche...”

“We’re talking about your ex fiancé now?” Rafael chuckles.

“Josh could be a selfish prick, but Eli’s a good guy.”

“You don’t have to defend your choices in men, I was only teasing.”

“It’s not that... I’m defending Eli. He doesn’t deserve to be called a douche. Yes, he would talk about himself a lot, but it was because he was a little awkward and got nervous easily... He wasn’t intentionally self centered.”

“Ok.” Rafael smirks.

“I’m serious.” I grumble. “Eli was my first real relationship and he was incredibly patient with me... I returned that kindness be breaking his heart. He doesn’t deserve to be called a douche.”

Rafael stops the motion of his hand and tilts his head down to look at me. “I thought he called it off?”

“He did, after I refused to even talk about the possibility of setting a date for over a year out. He knew I was never going to set one. It had been six months and I hadn’t even looked at pictures of dresses or truthfully done any kind of wedding planning. And while that’s not really something that interest me, I should have been doing something...”

“Maybe he should have known you well enough to suggest eloping or a justice of the peace.” Rafael says shifting us so that we’re lying face to face.

“He did. Every time he’d come up with a solution, I’d come up with an excuse... I loved him, I really did... it just turned out I didn’t love him enough to marry him. You should have seen how dejected he looked when he called it off and I simply handed him the ring back. I think he thought I’d fight him on it...”

“Maggie... why are you telling me this?” Rafael’s fingers brush against my cheek and the contact is oddly intimate considering I’m talking about an ex.

“I’m not sure exactly... I think I feel guilty. Eli was an amazing guy and I was unbelievably cruel to him.”

“Ok.” He smirks.

“Ok?” I’m not really sure what I had expected his reaction to be, but I know amused wasn’t it.

“You feel better?” He’s still smirking.

“Yes.” I grumble.

“Good, because I was thinking we could actually get out of bed and grab lunch somewhere.”

“I am getting hungry.” I reply, looking into his eyes again.

Rafael chuckles, kisses me, and then climbs out of bed. I watch him as he gathers his clothes and heads toward the bathroom to shower, pausing at the door and turning back to me. “And Maggie... you weren’t cruel. You were young and needed more time, possibly more experiences. It happens.”

“I wouldn’t have needed time if had been you.” I wouldn’t have hesitated. I wouldn’t have had any doubt in my mind no matter what age I was if Rafael had asked me to marry him. It wouldn’t have mattered what or who I might have missed out on.

“It’s a good thing you’re naked in my bed then.” He smirks.

“You want company?”

“In the shower?”

I nod and climb out of bed, making my way closer to him. “It’ll get us to lunch faster.” I smile while playfully biting my lower lip.

“I doubt that.” He chuckles, dragging me into the bathroom.


	5. Chapter 5

“Maggie... what are you doing?” Rafael’s half scolding me, but I choose to ignore this and carry on planting light kisses down his chest.

I hear him lightly huff, but his hand slips into my hair so I continue my trail of kisses southward.

“What time is it?”

I gently stroke him, lifting my head enough to shrug and then return my kisses to his hip bone. His annoyance is audible as he shifts to glance at the clock.

“It’s already seven Maggie.”

I lick up his shaft and smile. “I suggest we’re quick then.”

He seems to be mentally weighing his obligations at work and whether or not he can be a few minutes late, so I let him, persisting with my original intent and take him in my mouth. He lets me bob for a few minutes, almost appearing to have forgotten he was trying to determine if he could be late for work.

“Maggie...” He groans, pulling me so that I straddle him and lines us up, “we really don’t have time for that.”

“But we have time for this?” I chuckle, easing myself onto him.

Rafael’s thumb presses against my clit as I settle on him. “You said we should be quick,” he smirks, thrusting his hips upward.

It’s been six months, six months since I ran into Rafael that morning while grabbing coffee. At this point we keep clothes stored at each other’s place and I couldn’t tell you the last time I slept alone, though I am normally more behaved in the mornings... Our work has at times interfered with our ability to actually go out on a date, but for the most part we’ve been pretty inseparable.

R: Meet me at the precinct?

Ok his work has interfered the most... I end up bringing him food to his office or meeting up with him at the precinct so we can grab something afterward a couple times a week. I feel like I know most of the detectives fairly well at this point. They’re pretty good about keeping me entertained if I have to wait on him long, even if I’m not sure they always mean to be entertaining.

M: I can head that way at six.

R: That should be perfect.

I arrive at the precinct at six forty and as usual Rafael is no where to be seen, hidden away behind some door. It’s been a few weeks, but not really that long since I’ve been by.

“Hey Maggie.” Nick waves from his desk.

“Hey.” I smile and take a seat not far from him, next to the normally empty desk that seems to be occupied now... no one’s present at the moment.

I’m scrolling through e-mails on my phone when someone sits at the desk. I turn to see a lanky man with blondish hair staring at me.

“Did you need to make a statement?” He asks.

“No.” I chuckle. “I’m Maggie, you must be new.” I vaguely remember Rafael grumbling about some new guy at SVU.

“You’re not a victim then?”

“No.”

“Do you work here?”

“No.” I chuckle again.

“Oh...” He seems confused and I could just tell him I’m meeting Rafael, but I’m bored.

“And you are?”

“Sonny...” I furrow my brow because I was expecting a title and last name or at least a last name. “Carisi.” He shrugs.

“Nice to meet you.” I smile, returning my attention to my e-mail.

“You too, though I’m still not sure who you are.” He mutters and I chuckle again.

Amanda and Fin walk out of interview, both talking softly on their way to Amanda’s desk.

“I’m just waiting on someone.” I look up from my phone and slip it back in my purse.

“And you chose my desk to wait at?”

“It was unoccupied last time I was here.” I shrug.

“What do you do?”

“That’s classified.” I grin. Technically I could tell him where I work, but this is seriously more fun.

“Sure.” He chuckles.

“How long have you been with SVU?”

“Two weeks.”

“Hmm...” Two weeks really isn’t that long for Rafael to already be annoyed with him.

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s just not that long.”

“Couldn’t help when I transferred,” he shrugs, “and it’s not like I just started... I’ve been in Staton Island, Brooklyn... Queens.”

“Making the rounds, eh?” I’m not sure why I’ve decided to channel the movie Fargo... or at least the accent... but it makes him laugh.

“Are you single?”

“Nope.” I smile as Rafael and Liv exit her office.

“Whatever you need... anything, just ask.” Rafael says.

“You’re very accommodating today.” Liv replies, a bit of skepticism in her voice.

“I just,” he glances at me, “I just have a feeling.”

“I didn’t think you worked off of feeling Barba,” Amanda chuckles, “This Messer guy must really rub you the wrong way.”

“Messer?” I question, looking at Rafael.

“Jacob Messer, our perp.” Sonny answers.

I don’t move. I don’t do anything. I can’t. I just sit there frozen, hoping the name is just a coincidence. That it’s not the same person.

“There has to be more women he’s done this to.” Amanda says from her desk.

“See what you can find.” Rafael states, moving closer to me. “You ready Mags?”

“What? Yeah.” I stand and take his hand letting him guide me toward the elevator.

“Messer seems to have no digital foot print...” Amanda huffs. “You know your girlfriend might be helpful on this one.” I know she’s referencing finding information on him and not my past, but I can’t manage a smile.

“Yes, but she has a job and it’s not to do yours.” Rafael huffs, dragging me out of the bullpen and onto the elevator.

“Jacob...” I exhale, not even looking at him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know the name of their suspect until I was in Liv’s office watching them question the victim.”

“He’s in New York?”

“He moved here after he graduated.” Rafael sighs.

“Are you sure it’s the same person, maybe this guy just has the same name...”

Rafael shakes his head. “They’ve done their research on him. He graduated Harvard with a PhD in Applied Mathematics the same year you did.”

“Can we pick up something to eat and take it to my place instead of going out?” I really don’t want to be around people right now.

“We can.”

We sit quietly while we eat, me wanting to avoid all discussion of Jacob and Rafael... well I can only assume what’s going through his head.

“Maggie...”

“Whatever he’s done it’s different than what happened with me. I let it happen, I didn’t stop him.” I shrug.

“Maggie.” He sighs.

“Rafael.” I huff back.

“I think you were young and innocent and blamed yourself... I don’t think you’ve really thought about his responsibility in what happened.”

“I don’t think of myself as a victim and I don’t want to be made into one.”

“Ok...” Rafael nods, taking my hand in his, “would you mind walking me through what happened so I can determine if there is a pattern here?”

“You think he’s been taking advantage of people for fifteen years.” I scoff at this. I seriously doubt someone older, someone with more experience with men than I did at the time would have allowed him to do to them what he did to me.

“Can you humor me?”

“I told you what happened.”

“No, you told me he moved faster than you expected, that you weren’t given a chance to tell him you didn’t want to, and that you froze. You never really told me what happened.”

“Is it really necessary? I don’t even know what I’d remember.” I’m ringing my hands nervously because I remember that evening in great detail. While I don’t have an eidetic memory, I do have remarkably impressive recall and retention, it’s partially why school has always been easy for me.

“I won’t know if it’s necessary until I know what happened.”

“I really don’t want to be dragged into this...”

“I made a promise to you then and I will keep it for as long as you ask me to.”

I exhale and look down, ringing my hands again until he takes one of them in his, interlacing my fingers with his.

“Jacob took me to dinner... we were getting along very well and he made me feel comfortable so when he asked if I wanted to go back to his place to watch a movie I agreed. I had known him for a few years due to our classes and he had never given me a reason to think he wasn’t a nice guy.” I think I’ve added this to excuse the fact that I feel stupid for going home with him in the first place. “Once there he put on a movie and pulled me closer to him on the couch so he could put his arm around me. We hadn’t watched much of the movie when he kissed me, but I had been ok with the kiss... he had kissed me before.”

“He had?”

“After he dropped me off from our first date.”

“Right...” Rafael nodded for me to continue.

“He shifted us so that I was beneath him, his body weight pressing me into the couch... I remember him feeling really heavy...” At the time I hadn’t had a lot to compare it to, just the one kiss with Rafael, but now that I’m thinking back it was almost like he wasn’t just laying on me, but purposely pressing his weight on me. I shake this thought and continue. “He began to touch me and while I was less ok with that I didn’t try to stop him either. We were both fully clothed but the dress I had worn for our date started to push up my thighs as he shifted between my legs. He moved his kisses to my neck and he touched me over my underwear.” My eyes water as I look at Rafael. “I called his name trying to get his attention and reached for his arm to pull his hand from me but he was strong and didn’t budge. Instead, his lips covered mine again and he slid a finger beneath my underwear, touching me. I froze not knowing how to respond. I could feel him shifting, but I didn’t know what he was doing until he pulled my underwear to the side and he was inside me.” My gaze moves back to our hands, the ones interlocked with mine squeezing his tighter than is probably comfortable.

“I screamed Raf...” I’ve whispered this and he tugs me against his chest. “His lips muffled it, but I screamed. He acted like he didn’t notice and just kept going until I was quieter, then he pulled back to look at me and I just laid there, letting him finish.”

“What happened after?”

“He drove me home. Told me he had fun and said we could do it again if I wanted.” I scoff.

“Do you remember his exact words?”

“Why?”

“It could be relevant.” Rafael sighs.

“I had fun tonight. We could do it again, if you wanted. Are you ok?”

“He asked if you were ok?”

“I barely responded to him so he asked if I was ok. I told him I was fine, that I was tired. I had just wanted to go to my room and shower.” The tears fell then and Rafael held me like he had the first time.

“What is he doing now?” My head is still resting on his chest but I’ve managed to stop crying.

Rafael takes a breath and runs his fingers through my hair. “He took our victim to dinner and then invited himself back to her place. She said she had known him for a while so she thought it’d be ok, that he was a nice guy. They watch a movie while making out on her couch and he started trying to go further than she wanted to. When she asked him to stop he pinned her down and forced himself inside her. She pleaded for him to stop, but he ignored her and continued until he finished. He texted her “I had fun tonight” a few minutes after he left.”

“He raped me didn’t he?” I’ve never allowed myself to think that he had, that it was just a miscommunication... that he had been more experienced than me and had had different expectations, ones I hadn’t known how to react to quick enough to stop.

“Yes.” Rafael’s response is blunt and stings a bit more than I expect it to.

“You don’t need anything from me do you? For your case?” I know the law when it comes to my work because sometimes what I helped to unravel may end up in a court hearing. That’s the extent of my knowledge of the law though. I’ve never cared to study it.

“I couldn’t if I wanted to. Your assault...”

“Don’t call it that.” I interrupt.

Rafael pauses and looks at me. “It happened in Cambridge, not New York, you didn’t file a police report, and it was over fifteen years ago. Besides if I involve you I’d have to recuse and I fully intend to nail that son of a bitch to any charges Liv can find for me to charge him with.”

“Shouldn’t you recuse yourself due to your bias?”

“We are the only two people who know that I know what he did to you.” He shrugs.

“He will meet you, he could recognize you.”

“It’s not like he knows we even talk anymore, much less that you’re my girlfriend.”

“And if he finds out?”

“I wouldn’t have to recuse myself just because the two of you went on two dates sixteen years ago. So unless he wants to imply there’s another reason, which I doubt he does, I should be fine.”

“You should still recuse.” I mutter.

“Why?”

“Because morally it’s the right thing to do.”

“I have to give a reason to recuse. SVU would want to talk to you.”

“Oh...” Maybe it’s selfish, but I don’t want anyone to know. “You wont recuse then.”

“I wont.”


	6. Chapter 6

I’ve thrown myself into work. It’s not terribly hard to do considering there’s always some kind of threat to national security lingering somewhere. It seems I’ve made it my mission to locate the source of all of them before Rafael even takes Jacob to trial.

“Maggie?”

“Oh, hey Derek.” I seriously thought I was alone in the office... at least our part of the office.

“What are you still doing here? I really don’t think there’s any immediate threat to the nations security.” He chuckles.

“I know,” I sigh, “Rafael’s just busy with his trial and I think I’m trying to keep myself occupied.”

“You miss him?” Derek smiles.

I do miss him, but he’s no busier than normal. Still... we can go with that. “Yes.”

“You know if you want to grab dinner or a drink after work instead of hibernating in your office I’m here for you.”

“I may take you up on that, a dinner with you and Aubrey would be nice. We haven’t done that since...” I’m trying to remember the last time I had dinner with Derek and his wife. They were my lifeline when I first moved here and didn’t know anyone.

“Since you started dating Rafael.” Derek laughs.

“Maybe we should all have dinner sometime.” I smile.

“I’d like to meet the man who has managed to steal all your free time without really knowing you for that long.”

“I’ve known Rafael for over twenty years. He was a friend of both mine and my brother’s in college and my unrequited crush. We had lost touch until we randomly ran into each other while getting coffee.”

“That crush not so unrequited after all.” Derek chuckles.

“No, I guess not.” I grin.

Rafael’s arms tighten around me as I wake, blinking so that my eyes adjust to the light coming through his windows.

“Do you not believe in curtains?” I half chuckle, half grumble. He has blinds, but they aren’t turned in a way that keeps the light out.

“I like waking up naturally as the sun rises.”

“That is not normal.”

He chuckles and kisses my shoulder. “Come on, I’ll make you breakfast.”

I slip on my underwear and one of his older dress shirts that he gave me when I kept stealing the discarded one from the day before off the floor. Rafael puts his boxer briefs and undershirt back on, taking my hand after we brush our teeth and drags me to his kitchen. I like our routine. It’s the same whether we are at my place or his, though I tend to cook at my place.

“The trial starts tomorrow?”

“It does.” Rafael nods, pushing a plate of food in front of me.

I pick at it, taking a few bites as I figure out what question I want to ask first. “You’ve talked to him then?”

“Messer?”

“Yeah.”

“I have. He’s going to make it hard for the jury to convict him.” Rafael sighs.

“Why?”

“He’s likable and charming enough to be believable.”

I push a breakfast potato around my plate... Jacob had a way of putting people at ease... I guess he still does. “You don’t think you’ll win?”

“If I had more women making claims that he assaulted them... maybe. As it stands with just our one victim... I doubt it. I’m sorry.”

“Why take it to court then?” I don’t bother to acknowledge his apology, it’s not his fault.

“The victim wants to try. She deserves at least that, he’s already taken so much from her, including her job.”

“Her job?”

“They both work at Calloway Stephens, some big data mining firm that’s worth billions.” Rafael scoffs.

“I know the firm... I considered working for them.” I had had no idea they had been recruiting Jacob as well. “How’d he get her fired?”

“Claimed defamation and since he’s a senior partner they took his side.”

“Did he recognize you?”

“If he did he didn’t say anything.”

“SVU didn’t have any luck finding other victims?”

Rafael shakes his head. “They’re probably too scared to file a report... talking to the women he worked with is what led to the defamation claim. If there are other victims in his office they may fear losing their job if they come forward.”

“What about women he didn’t work with?”

“They didn’t really have a place to start. He keeps off the grid curiously well.” He huffs.

“When your career is making a profit mining for other peoples personal information you learn how to hide your own.” This is only partially true though... I’ve found out more about him in the last few weeks than I can share with Rafael. None of it was legally obtained and while some of the information could possibly lead them to more victims it would end up causing a mistrial or worse.

“Hopefully the trial is public enough to draw out more victims, embolden them enough to press charges.” Rafael sighs.

“Your actual goal of taking this to trial?” I smile.

“Hey, I offered a very generous plea deal.” Rafael smirks.

“I’m sure you did.” I chuckle.

I wake up alone and in my own bed. Rafael has court this morning and wanted to head in early so we slept in our respective apartments last night. I lay there staring at the ceiling. For the first time in my entire life I have no desire to go to work. I have never taken a personal day, never played hooky from school... I don’t get sick. I e-mail my team, letting them know I’ll be available, but out of the office for the day. If anything I’m ahead on work and it’s not like I can’t go in if something critical comes up.

I fix myself breakfast while watching the news. Rafael was right about the trial making headlines, people worth millions being accused of sexual assault usually do. I smile to myself as I watch Rafael on the screen giving a brief statement to the press. There’s a brief glimpse of Jacob as he’s hurried into the courthouse and I realize I want to be there. Even if Rafael loses, I want to be there. I quickly change into slacks and a dress shirt, grabbing my purse, and silence my phone as I hail a cab.

The courtroom is crowded and I easily slip into the back unnoticed. Jacob is sitting behind the table opposite Rafael with a thin red haired woman. He looks the same, older, but the same. If I had ran into him on the street I’d have recognized him. Rafael’s making his opening statement but I’m not really paying attention. I’m hearing it, I’m just not looking at him... I’m still staring at Jacob. It’s as though he can sense it too, because Jacob’s eyes suddenly meet mine and I jump slightly in my seat, quickly turning my attention to the front of the courtroom where Rafael is still speaking.

“Maggie, right?”

I glance up to see the newest member of SVU staring down at me. “Hey Sonny.”

“You know no one at work calls me that.” He chuckles taking the seat next to me.

“It’s how you introduced yourself to me,” I shrug. As someone who prefers not to be called my given name I tend to stick with the name someone uses to introduce themselves.

“It doesn’t bother Barba that you call me Sonny?”

“I’ve never talked about you with Rafael.” Technically he’s complained about Sonny to me, but not in a way that’s prompted me to contribute to his diatribe.

“Right... What brought you to court?”

“Curiosity...” Sonny furrows his brow as though he’s confused, I don’t actually think he is, that it’s just the face he makes when the answer isn’t what he expects, but it still prompts me expand. “I’ve never actually seen Rafael in court.” It’s both the truth and a lie. I haven’t seen him in court, but that’s not why I’m here.

“What do you think of Messer?”

“I’m kind of biased don’t you think...” Sonny furrows his brow again causing me to roll my eyes and chuckle. “I am sleeping with the prosecutor.”

Sonny laughs. “How did Barba manage to find someone with a sense of humor?”

“You say that like Rafael doesn’t have a one.”

“He does?” Sonny smirks.

I smile and shake my head returning my attention to the trial. It’s not new information to me, mostly a he said she said case and Rafael has been willing to tell me anything I’ve wanted to know. I will say that it’s strange to listen to someone tell a room full of strangers what happened to them and have it be so eerily similar to your own experience. I’ve had to rub my arms multiple times to hide my goosebumps.

The defense attorney, Calhoun as I’ve learned from the judge addressing her directly after Rafael objected to a particular line of questions, is building a pretty good defense of a jaded ex and she’s only cross examined the victim... I know Rafael has ulterior motives than actually winning this trial, but I’m still dreading seeing Jacob take the stand.

There are a few more witnesses called, but nothing revolutionary, just enough to keep the trial extended into the next day. It’s risky to bet your whole case on the hope that someone will come forward because they happened to see it on the news.

“I’m going to sneak out.” I smile, scooting passed Sonny once the judge adjourns for the day.

“You’re not meeting up with Barba?”

I glance up to see Rafael staring back at me. “I guess I am now... will you tell him I’ll find him after I hit up the restroom?”

“Sure.” Sonny nods.

I splash some water on my face and stare at my reflection in the mirror. I had hoped to be invisible, a fly on the wall, instead I was spotted by both Jacob and Rafael. I hope Rafael is right about the fact that Jacob and I went out a couple times not effecting his case, because Jacob is likely to place him now... Using a paper towel I dab my face dry and take a breath before exiting the bathroom.

I spot Rafael across the hall. He’s waiting outside the courtroom with the detectives from SVU, Liv standing closest to him. All of them are looking at me and I have no idea why until I hear him speak.

“Maggie?”

I pause and turn away from Rafael and the others before my face gives away more than I’d like, turning instead to face Jacob and his defense attorney.

“Jacob.”

“I thought that was you. You’re still friends with your old roommate I see.” Jacob smiles at me and his attorney gives me a curious look.

“We’re dating now.” He clearly remembers Rafael and given he’s made a living off manipulating and selling peoples personal information he probably already knows this.

“Who are you dating?” Calhoun frowns.

“The prosecutor.” Jacob smirks and Calhoun shoots a look over her shoulder at Rafael. I can see out of the corner of my eye that they are all still watching us, but I don’t excuse myself. I’m not ready to explain this interaction to the others yet. “What do you do now? Out of everyone I’ve tried to find over the years, your the only one I haven’t been able to.”

“There’s a reason for that.” I smile. He may have the ability to access certain personal information, but I have high security clearance, I’m trained to data mine as well, and I’m smarter than Jacob could ever hope to be... at least when it comes to this.

“How do you two know each other?” Calhoun asks.

“We were in the same PhD program at Harvard.” I reply.

“And we dated.” Jacob smiles. “Tell me, is your boyfriend still the jealous type?”

“You think he’s jealous of you because we went on two dates sixteen years ago?” This I chuckle, purposely playing down the impact he had on me. I don’t want his lawyer to have any reason to think Rafael should have recused himself.

“No, I guess not.”

“Would you be willing to be a character witness for Jacob?” Calhoun asks so I assume we’re playing the niceties off believably.

“I doubt she would.” Jacob smirks.

“Why, because of Barba? I can subpoena you.” Calhoun directs the last part to me.

“That’s not necessary Rita.”

Calhoun looks back to Jacob and then me again. “Why?”

“I assume because he knows I wont lie for him.” I shrug and turn to leave. Jacob grabs my arm, not hard, just enough to stop me and I know I’ve lost my composure for a moment... I can tell by the look Calhoun gives me when I face them again.

“Does he know?”

“Does he know what Jacob?” My heart his racing, my breathing strained, but I remain calm.

“I guess not.” Jacob smiles and lets my arm go.

I quickly walk across the hallway to Rafael, taking his hand in mine as soon as I’m next to him.

“I take it he knows we’re together?” Rafael questions, giving my hand a little squeeze.

“Yeah, he does.” I nod.

“You know Messer?” Sonny blurts. One of them was bound to ask, Sonny is just the least subtle about it.

“We were in the same PhD program at Harvard.”

“Did you know him then?” Liv asks Rafael.

“We met once.” Rafael replies as we start toward his office.

“Did anyone in your PhD program ever mention dating him to you?” Amanda asks as we wait on the elevator.

“I was the only girl in our program.”

“It was worth a shot.” Amanda shrugs.

“We’re heading back to the precinct to see if anyone comes forward. I’ll call if we get anything useful.” Liv states as the elevator doors open and Rafael and I enter.

“Hopefully this works.” He nods.

We walk passed Carmen who gives me a curious look since I’m rarely there without her expecting me, just the occasional scheduled lunch or when I bring food to him in the evenings, and enter his office. He immediately locks the door and shuts the blinds.

“You came to court.” He doesn’t look upset, more concerned.

“I was laying in bed this morning and I just couldn’t go to work. I took a personal day and came here. I’m not exactly sure why... I just needed to.”

“You needed closure.” He sighs, pulling me into his arms.

“I’m not sure I got it Raf...” Tears threatened to fall so I buried my face against his chest.

“Maggie...” He runs his fingers through my hair and I pull my head back to look at him. “What did he say to you?”

“We faked pleasantries, so well in fact his lawyer suggested I be a character witness even after finding out I was dating you.” I huff.

“That explains the look Calhoun gave me.” Rafael chuckles, but it has more to do with their working relationship than me so I let it go and continue.

“He told her that wouldn’t be necessary and when she asked why I said it was because he knew I wouldn’t lie for him. He knows what he did Raf... I’ve excused it for so long as a misunderstanding, me putting myself in a situation I wasn’t ready to handle... but it wasn’t... He did it intentionally.”

“Mags...” He sighs, wrapping me in his arms again.

“Jesus... I handled it better when it initially happened than I am now...” I huff, patting the tears from my eyes as I regain my composure.

“You didn’t handle it all when it happened.”

I take a deep breath, exhaling it as I look at him again, dismissing his statement without comment. “I’ll let you get back to work.”

“You can stay if you want.” He gestures to his couch and I really really don’t want to be alone.

“You don’t mind?”

“Not as long as you let me work.” He smirks, leaning in for a quick kiss.

I’ve been responding to emails and making phone calls pertaining to my own work because I never could sit idle... We’ve been in his office maybe an hour when his voice pulls me from the latest e-mail I’m reading through.

“Hey Liv. That many? No, I’ll head over.”

“I take it your plan worked?” I inquire from his couch.

“They’re still verifying dates, but it seems to have.” Rafael smiles. “You want to go with me to the precinct?”

“I may head home.”

“You’re sure?” He asks as he slips his suit jacket on.

“Yeah... I’d either seem too interested or like a clingy girlfriend. Neither of which I want to be.” I feel better now anyway and it’s not like he wont tell me what happened.

“Ok, you want me to bring dinner to your place when I get done for the day?”

“Definitely.” I smile while straightening his tie.

He wraps his arm around me and tugs me into him. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Will you love me any less if I can’t send Messer to prison?” He’s rather defeated looking, as though he’s putting more pressure on himself than he should be.

“No.” I chuckle pushing up to kiss him. “Up until two weeks ago I couldn’t tell you the last time I thought about Jacob Messer. After this is over I have no intention of thinking about him again. And he will never have an impact on the way I feel about you.”

I’m pacing my apartment. Rafael left his office for the precinct a little after one. It’s now close to nine and he has just gotten to leave. I’m not sure if this is a good or a bad sign, just that I’m finally realizing I’m hungry.

“Sorry dinner is so late.” He smiles, holding up a bag of food as I open the door for him.

He’s smiling, hopefully that’s a good sign... “So?” I push, following him to my coffee table after I secure the door.

“It’s done.”

“What’s done?”

“Messer took a plea.”

“The generous plea deal you originally offered him?”

Rafael scoffs. “No. That offer went out the window the moment an additional woman’s claim was substantiated with an actual rape kit and police report.”

“Someone filed a report and SVU didn’t find it?” I also hadn’t found it in the research I had done on him, but I wasn’t going to tell Rafael that.

“They didn’t expand their search to Nevada, that and the victims didn’t have a name to put on the report.”

“Nevada?”

“He travels to Las Vegas biannually on the company jet... victims started calling the LVPD after seeing his picture and then LVPD contacted us. Their stories are a bit different... he chatted them up at a club, got them drunk, and took them back to a room he either paid cash or used their credit card for, then left them to wake up alone and disorientated the next day. Thirty victims so far, all with the same story. LVPD has been looking for him for over a decade.” Rafael sighs.

“Jesus...”

“There are also a few women he knew from Cambridge, their stories are more like yours... only one filed a report, and she only knew his first name. Calhoun kept us from getting a warrant for his DNA originally since he never denied have sex with our victim, but once the new claims came in, especially the ones from Vegas... the warrant was granted. His DNA was a match... It was a match to quite a few kits that had been backlogged in his home state of Washington as well. I guess he thought he was too smart to get caught and didn’t need to wear a condom.” Rafael takes my hand in his. “I offered a plea because even with the new claims I couldn’t introduce new evidence to this trial. Calhoun knows the damage by the press has been done so they excepted it. He will face charges in Nevada and Washington as well and the evidence in those cases is overwhelming. He’s going away for a long time.”

“Ok...” I’m not really sure what else to say. I had spent my life blaming myself for what happened, thinking I had just been too inexperienced and shouldn’t have gone out with someone that much older than me. It had never occurred to me that he was predator, and I easy prey... “I’ve always blamed myself, Raf.”

“I know.” He pulls me into his arms, but I don’t cry this time. Instead, I feel a sense of relief... like I’ve finally let go of something I hadn’t even known I was holding on to. Maybe this is that whole closure thing.


	7. Chapter 7

Two weeks in Connecticut, that’s how long we’ve decided to stay for. Hartford is only a two and a half hour drive, something we could make a long weekend out of, but with everything that’s happened Rafael and I decided getting away for a bit, now that everything has settled, would be a nice change of pace.

It’s been a few months since Jacob was sentenced in both Nevada and Washington, but he isn’t really topic of conversation. Rafael tried to convince me a few times to speak with someone, but I really don’t see the point. I had been functioning just fine until SVU caught the case and I saw no reason why I should sit and hash it out over and over again when in all likelihood I’d feel normal again once a little time had passed. I did promise him that if I wasn’t I’d find a shrink. I don’t have nightmares or anything and other than that one incident on our second date I’ve had no issues with intimacy, so considering I have no reason to believe I’ll be going on a second date any time soon, I should be fine.

“I can’t believe you rented a car.” Rafael grumbles as I enter his bedroom to find him rearranging his suitcase in what I assume is not the first time.

I stretch across his bed and watch as he arranges his socks in a way that will keep his shirts from wrinkling under the weight of his toiletries. “How else were we supposed to get to Hartford?”

“We could have flown.”

“You wanted to deal with security, spend two hours waiting at the airport for what would end up being a thirty minute flight, and then wait on baggage claim just to have to rent a car when we get there anyway?” Rafael frowns at me, but doesn’t say anything which usually means he knows I’m right. “Besides, the baggage handlers would disrupt the anal retentive thing you have going with your suitcase... my driving wont.”

“I don’t like wrinkled clothes.” He huffs, glancing down at the insides of his suitcase.

“That’s why I packed a portable steamer.” I chuckle, tossing the rest of the things he has laid out on his bed into his suitcase and closing it. “Are you ready?”

His eyes are wide, but he reluctantly zips the bag closed and sets in on the floor to be rolled to the car.

“Let me at least carry those.” He takes from my arms the two hanging bags that have our suits for the wedding in them. I left mine in his closet since I wouldn’t be needing it until our trip.

I roll my eyes and drag his suit case behind me as we head down to the car I’ve managed to find a close parking spot for. His suitcase goes in next to mine in the trunk while the hanging bags each get their own window in the back, Rafael neatly lying the ends across the seat to minimize wrinkling.

“You do realize the car moves.” I chuckle.”

“Your steamer better work.” He huffs.

I’ve rented a small cottage just outside the city. It’s closer to where Patricks wedding will be, but not a long drive to visit my parents or get out for dinner either. I’ve told my family we’re arriving four days later than we are actually arriving because we want some time to ourselves.

“How did you find this place? It looks like it belongs in some storybook’s enchanted forest.”

I laugh at his description, despite it being fairly accurate. It’s a blue Victorian style home, with large porch running the length of the front of the house. It has a cobble stone path leading up to the porch, a small stream flowing next to it, and is surrounded by tall trees making it appear to back up to a forest. The cottage is small, a one bedroom which is located up stairs along with a full bath. The downstairs is basically one large living space, the kitchen toward the back, a dining table separating the space, and a living room and small half bath up front.

“Did you forget I grew up here?”

“You moved when you were fourteen, how was I to know you paid attention to vacation properties.”

Rafael and I set our suitcases down on the porch while I unlock the door.

“My mom is friends with the lady who owns it. It’s where I stay every time I visit... don’t hate me for the stairs.” That last bit is rushed as I hurry through the open door.

“The stairs?” Rafael follows me in and immediately notices the rather steep set of steps leading up to the second floor. “It could be worse I guess...”

“I’ll help you up them if you drink too much at my brothers bachelor party.” I chuckle as I drag my suitcase up the stairs.

“You’re really going to that?” He asks as he follows me with his own suitcase.

“I haven’t decided yet. Charlene invited me to join them at her bachelorette party, but she’ll be the only person I actually know and I really don’t know her that well. At least at Patrick’s bachelor party I wont feel like an outsider.”

Rafael plops on the bed, dragging me with him. “So go to the bachelor party.” He shrugs, pulling me beneath him.

“Yes, but Sam has suggested taking everyone to a strip club...”

“And you don’t want to go to a strip club?” Rafael’s kissing my neck, his hand slipping under the hem of my shirt.

“I don’t mind going to a strip club.” I sigh, tangling my hand in his hair.

“Is it that you don’t want to watch me get a lap dance?” He’s now paused his kisses and is smirking up at me from just above my chest.

“Yeah, like you’d get one with me sitting there,” I smirk back. “I’d even venture to say you wouldn’t if I didn’t go since my brother would still be there. You’d probably spend the whole night trying to avoid looking at breast because you’d feel guilty or something.”

“You think so huh?” Rafael chuckles, pulling both my shirt and bra up exposing my own breast.

“I know so.” I smile as I watch him take one in his mouth, gently sucking and flicking his tongue against the nipple before he pauses to speak again.

“I’d look if I knew you didn’t care.”

“I don’t care if you look in the context of a bachelor party. I mean it’s superficial right... looking without touching. It’s not like I have to worry about you forming some deep connection with some woman just because she was half naked in front of you.”

“What’s the problem then?”

“My brother getting a lap dance isn’t really an image I want to have floating around my head.” I grumble and shift out of his arms, readjusting my shirt and bra as I do.

“You’re not in the mood anymore are you?” Rafael chuckles as I glare over my shoulder at him. “Come on, lets go get our suits out of the car and hang up everything that I don’t want to wrinkle.”

“There is something seriously wrong with you.” I’m laughing at him and he responds by smacking my ass as he passes me on his way back to the stairs.

“Does anything deliver out here?” Rafael asks as I lay across his chest, both of us without a stitch of clothing cuddled up on the couch while watching a movie we didn’t actually pay attention to the first half of.

“You act as though we’re in the boonies.” I chuckle.

“You can’t see the neighboring houses.” Rafael counters.

“Because the land is over grow with trees, the grounds are purposefully designed to give you the feeling of isolation. The other rentals really aren’t that far.”

“You know you could just answer my original question.”

“I’m sure a pizza place will deliver.” I shrug, pulling up to sit next to him as I search for a place on my phone.

“We should be naked all the time.” Rafael grins while leaning in to kiss my neck and shoulder.

“Are you planning on joining a nudist colony, because if not that can get you arrested.”

I don’t have to actually see his face to know he’s rolled his eyes.

“I meant at home.”

“I never really cared that much for clothes anyway.” I chuckle as he pushes me back on the couch.

I’m still looking for a pizza place while he shifts between my legs, his fingers sliding and probing through my folds. “I thought you were hungry?”

“I am,” he grins, “keep looking.”

Rafael’s tonguing my nipples, suckling and flicking as his fingers slip inside me. My arms are loosely wrapped around his head and I’m attempting to type in the address of the cottage to see if it’s within delivery range when the focus of his fingers move to my clit. I arch against him and lock my phone screen, letting it fall to the floor so that I can bring my hands to his hair.

“Rafael...” I moan, lifting into his touch.

“Uh huh.” He hums against my chest.

“Fuck me.”

“Fuck you?” He chuckles, looking up at me.

“You’re a jerk.” This makes him actually laugh, probably because I seem somehow both annoyed and amused.

“Come here.” He smirks, maneuvering us so that I’m straddling him with my back to his chest. I lower myself onto him and his fingers move back to my clit, the other hand rolling a nipple.

“Fuck Raf.” I groan, pushing down into each thrust he makes, his fingers relentless.

I buckle forward, grinding hard on him and I tug his hand from me, my body trembling as he wraps his arms around me. He pulls me back so he can kiss me while giving me a moment to recover.

“You still want me to fuck you?” He breathes against my ear.

“Yes.” I pant and I swear he lightly chuckles.

Rafael pushes me forward on the couch and eases back into me from behind. His strokes are fast and hard. His hands grip my hips, tugging me back to him as he thrust forward, my own hands clutching the armrest.

“Jesus...” I groan as my body stills momentarily, every nerve seeming to ignite as he continues to pump into me. I shudder, my upper body collapsing against the couch.

Rafael reaches his hand into my hair, tugging it just enough so he can see my face. “Do you need a break?”

“God no.” I pant. I catch a small glimpse of his smirk as he lets my hair go and I bury my face into the couch again. I don’t want him to stop. Feeling the length of him moving in and out of me... I’m not sure I’ll ever tire of it. Ok... I would, but I’m not there yet.

Rafael shoves into me, over and over again, his hands gripping onto my hips tight enough that I expect I’ll have bruising in the morning. His breathing begins to labor as he emits soft deep grunts with each pump. I push into his thrust, squeezing myself around him as he pulls back. It’s not long before he’s slumped over my back breathing heavy against my neck.

“Did you find a pizza place?” He pants.

“Not yet.” I chuckle, picking my phone up from the floor.

My intentions behind not telling anyone we had arrived early wasn’t to spend every moment having sex, but it does seem to be our mission now that we are here. Ok, not every moment... We have managed to make it to the grocery store and out for breakfast and dinner at least twice.

“Shower?” Rafael questions, while wiggling his brows at me.

“You really are insatiable.” I chuckle.

“I’m relaxed.” He smirks, pulling me under his arm as we sit on the porch swing. We had chosen to drink our morning coffee here, but it’s more midday now.

“The wonders of a vacation.”

“We should consider one every year.” Rafael smiles, his eyes bouncing between mine and my lips.

“Will we actually do any sightseeing on these yearly get aways?”

“No.” He chuckles as his lips find mine.

“That’s just not right.” Patricks voice interrupts our make out session and it seems all color has drained from Rafael’s face.

“He’s just being my annoying older brother.” I smile, running my thumb across his cheek.

“Yes, but I thought we still had one more day before anyone in your family knew we were here.”

“We did.” I grumble, turning my attention to my brother. “Did Sue give me up?”

Patrick leans back on the porch railing across from us. “She mentioned to mom you rented the place for two weeks and when you arrived, mom sent me to see if you were actually here. Hey Rafael.”

“Patrick.” Rafael nods.

“You wouldn’t want to tell mom you didn’t find us and let us have one last day to ourselves would you?” I give Patrick my best pleading little sister grin.

“No, but only because she already knows you picked up keys from Sue. She wants to do dinner tonight.” Patrick smiles.

“Next year on our get away we are not coming to Hartford.” I mutter to Rafael.

“Anywhere you want.” Rafael smirks.

“It’s almost a shame you two couldn’t have figured out you liked each other when we all lived together.”

“This way may have worked out better career wise for me.” I smile taking Rafael’s hand in mine.

“That’s true, and I doubt I would have been ok with it then.” Patrick shrugs.

“You wouldn’t have?” This actually surprises me.

“I don’t know... I mean I would have probably gotten over it, but only if you ended up getting married or something. You were a lot younger then.”

“So were you.” I huff.

“Yes, but I didn’t think I was,” Patrick chuckles, “and what does it matter now?”

“It doesn’t.” Rafael interjects before I can say anything.

“What time does mom want to do dinner?” I’ve decided to change the subject. If I keep it up I’ll probably ended up accidentally telling my brother that we knew we had feelings for each other then or that we kissed... and I’m already waiting for that I told you so from Rafael about Patrick caring. They’re both right anyway, it’s pointless to argue over something that didn’t happen,

“Seven.”

“Are we going out or is she cooking?”

“You know mom.” Patrick chuckles.

“Great...” I grumble.

“What am I missing?” Rafael asks.

“Mom likes to cook and she’s a good cook, but what she really likes are dinner parties... this means she will invite half of our parents friends over as well.”

“The only guy you’ve ever brought home was Eli and she’s excited because she actually likes Rafael.”

“Shouldn’t she be focused on your impending nuptials.”

“Mom is nothing if not excellent at multitasking.” Patrick chuckles.

“What is the plan for your bachelor party?” I have to decide soon which I’m attending, his or Charlene’s and I really don’t want to freak Rafael out about my mothers dinner plans.

“Just a guys weekend. Sam rented that cabin on the river from Sue, you know the one...”

“Yeah I’m pretty sure you can walk there from here.” I chuckle. Sue’s properties all have a slightly different feel to them... cottage, bungalow, cabin... the one he’s referencing is the largest, a log cabin with four bedrooms, plenty of places for everyone to crash.

“And if you and Raf plan to do anything drunk couples do after consuming a few too many, you better mosey on back over here.” Patrick makes a face and Rafael and I both roll our eyes.

“I haven’t even decided if I’m going.”

“Why not? You’ll be more comfortable with us than Charlene’s group, you never did have many girl friends and they are...” he pauses as he tries and fails to think of a nice way to phrase what he wants to say, “kind of catty. You already know everyone that will be at mine.”

“What does ‘guys’ weekend entail?”

“Friday afternoon we’re playing paintball, Sam’s insisted we do something juvenile since I vetoed the whole stripper thing. Then we’re coming back to the cabin to play poker and drink. Saturday morning will be spent fishing, the rest of the day drinking on the water. Depending on how we feel since we’re all pushing forty here, we may go out to a bar or continue to drink around the cabin. Sunday, we’re meeting up with Charlene and her friends for brunch, thus concluding the guys weekend.”

“Why don’t you want a stripper?” I’m actually relieved that he doesn’t, it makes my decision easier, but that doesn’t make me less curious.

“Charlene is against it and honestly I’ve seen plenty of naked women, so it’s not as if I’m missing out if I don’t see a few more.” Patrick shrugs.

“I bet Sam is upset.” I chuckle.

“Sam will get over it.” Patrick grumbles. “You know he had the audacity to suggest we go and just not tell her... I mean who would start their marriage with a lie like that.”

“Awe... my brother turned out to be a decent guy after all.”

“Yeah, yeah...” he smirks, “I’ll get out of your hair, let you two get back to whatever you were about to do that I’m sure I don’t want to know about.”

“You mean shower and get ready for the day?” I chuckle.

Patrick rolls his eyes. “Just be at mom and dad’s by six, you know she hates it when people arrive when we’re supposed to eat.”

“We’ll be there at six.”

“It’s good to see you again Raf, hopefully,” Patrick gestures between the two of us, “this will last and we’ll see a lot more of each other.”

“One big happy family?” Rafael smirks.

“Hey, I could do worse for a brother in law.” Patrick chuckles over his shoulder on the way to his car.

“I knew he’d be upset when we were younger.” Rafael whispers as Patrick climbs in his car.

“Whatever, he’s basically married me off to you now.”

“Actually I think I implied that.” Rafael smirks, pulling me back into the position we were in when Patrick interrupted us.

“You still want that shower?” I smile after pushing up for a kiss.

“Yes, and we may as well stay in for lunch since this is the last few hours I have you all to myself.” Rafael grins dragging me behind him and back into the cottage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one more chapter to this one. I’m halfway finished with it so it will depend on how tomorrow goes if it’s up then or the next day.


	8. Chapter 8

We’ve divided up into two teams of four. Rafael, Patrick, Brian, and Randall on one team, Sam, Ryan, Caleb, and me on the other. Patrick was given the honor of choosing teams and thought splitting Rafael and I up would be funny. 

“Don’t you dare go easy on me Raf. When my team wins it better not be because you were afraid to shoot me.” I grin as we get geared up in the ridiculous get up the course requires you to wear.

“I am way more competitive than you are.” Rafael smirks as everyone else groans.

I chuckle as I give him a quick kiss and join my teammates.

Sam doesn’t trust anyone so he’s put in on himself to guard the flag... that and he’s lazy, so despite this being his idea he really doesn’t want to run around in search of the other teams flag. I’ve known Sam, Caleb, and Ryan most of my life since our parents our all friends. Brian and Randall I met in a few times in Cambridge, they went to law school with Rafael and Patrick.

“You and that lawyer been together long?” Ryan whispers as we crouch behind a bush, Caleb behind one not far from us.

“Maybe ten months now, why?”

Caleb motions for us to move forward, so we do. Quietly, creeping around trees as we work our way closer to Patrick’s teams flag.

“You’re just... you grew up well.” Ryan whispers, tugging me behind some fencing, Caleb joining us this time.

“I grew up well?” My brow is furrowed, though I know what he means... I’m just not expecting it. I consider the three of them friends, but really haven’t seen much of them since high school. Patrick is the one who’s good about keeping up with people... this has never been a strong suit of mine.

“Really well... How serious are you two?” Even Caleb has rolled his eyes.

“Pretty serious.” I huff.

“You know Patrick would kill you if he knew you were hitting on his sister.” Caleb chuckles.

“Why? He seems fine with her and that Rafael guy and they’re friends.” Ryan scoffs.

“Maybe because Rafael wouldn’t try to hit on me while I was clearly dating someone else.”

“So I have no chance here?”

“None.” I poke my head around the fence in time to see Rafael duck behind a bush, an image I have to fight to keep from laughing at. I mean twenty year old Rafael doing this is believable, but the straight laced lawyer he’s turned into is something else. I guess that’s kind of the point of this... to not feel like we’ve aged as much as we actually have.

Slowly, so it’s not noticeable, I line my paintball gun up with the bush, waiting for him to try and leave. I’m almost shocked when I actually hit him when he does.

“Really!” Rafael calls up at me when I grin and step out from behind the fence, just to rub it in his face that it was me.

Karma is fairly instant when paint from Patrick’s gun splatters across my chest. The fact that I still feel the impact despite the padding makes me suddenly thankful for the gear they’ve made us wear. I shrug at my two teammates and join Rafael down the hill.

“Did you really have to shoot me so soon?” Rafael smirks, taking my hand in his.

“Worked out better for me this way.” I shrug.

“How’s that?”

“Well, at least now I don’t have to listen to Ryan inquire about our relationship and tell me how well I grew up.”

“Mine.” Rafael smirks, tugging me under his arm.

“That’s not creepy and possessive.” I chuckle.

“You get that I’m teasing?”

“You get that I am too.” I smile, pushing up to kiss him.

Rafael and I watch the remainder of the game from where his teams flag is. Randall is extremely happy for the company when we show up, even if we can’t actually help him. The game ends up lasting longer than I think any of us thought it would. Patrick successfully returns to base with my teams flag and we move onto the next event.

Rafael and I are dropped off at our little cottage to shower and change, while the rest of them continue to the cabin. It’s easier this way since the cabin only has two showers and we are all feeling a bit grimy from the afternoon outside.

“Should I be worried about that Ryan guy this weekend?” Rafael asks as we climb the stairs.

“No. He’s forward, but harmless.”

“That doesn’t exactly make me feel better.” Rafael grumbles.

“I’m serious. I’ve watched that guy ask out and usually get turned down by countless girls. He doesn’t even get upset if they say no, he just moves onto someone new.” I chuckle.

“So the interest isn’t as flattering as it seems.” Rafael laughs.

“Jerk.” I pout playfully.

Rafael continues to laugh as he drags me in the bathroom, happily removing my clothes as we go.

It’s dealers choice as we pass the deck counter clockwise after each hand. Sam has yet to choose anything other than Texas Hold’em, Ryan will switch between five card draw and seven card stud, Caleb annoyingly always deals a five card stud, Patrick will vary his deals but likes to throw in a high-low split, and I enjoy a round of Anaconda every now and then because I find pleasure in choosing cards to pass off to someone. The others don’t seem to have grown up playing poker along side their parents for most of their youth. In our parents defense, we did play for penny’s until we could buy our way into the adult table and even then each chip was a only a dime. These were friendly games amongst friends.

“Who’s hasn’t anted, the pot’s not right?” Patrick says as he shifts the chips in the center about, counting them.

“That’s me.” Brian tosses a chip in.

“Ok, seven card stud, roll your own.” Patrick passes us each three cards face down.

“Roll your own?” Rafael whispers to me.

“That just means you get to pick which card to turn up out of the three you have now, the next three will be face up and the last face down again.”

“That brings back memories.” Caleb chuckles.

“What does?” Randall asks.

“Just Mags explaining the game to someone. When we were learning, playing penny poker on the floor of whichever our parents living room that was hosting poker night, Mags was our goto for the rules.”

“It’s not my fault you could never remember which game was which.” I chuckle while glancing at my cards. I have an Ace of clubs, five of clubs, and a two of diamonds.

“You remember when she made that poster of what beats what to hang on the wall?” Ryan laughed, flipping an Ace of diamonds face up.

I smile and set my Ace out for him to see. He fancies himself as someone who can count cards... he can’t... but when I can spoil his fun by letting him know I know his odds of pocket Ace’s are lower I will. “I got tired of listing it off for you,” I smirk.

“It’s to you.” Patrick says to Randall while chuckling at my dig at Ryan.

“What? Oh... check.”

Brian’s next, he checks as well. Rafael raises two chips and I eye his ten of hearts sitting on the table suspiciously. We’re following our parents example of each chip being a dime... it’s just a friendly game here... but still he hasn’t been the first to raise all evening. Rafael smiles at me when he notices the look on my face, so I dump two chips in the pot without even glancing at my cards again. His twenty cent bet doesn’t scare anyone off and Patrick deals another card face up. A two of clubs joins my Ace.

“You’re bet Raf.” Patrick states.

Rafael tosses in a chip and I chuckle tossing in my own. “Losing confidence in your pair of tens huh?”

“No, just letting you think that.” He smirks.

“Aces are cheap.” Patrick calls when he deals an Ace of hearts to Sam.

I’ve had a four of clubs dealt face up so this time when Rafael bets one chip I raise it two.

“Wait, what’s it to me?” Sam asks.

“Thirty cents.” Randall chimes in.

Sam rolls his eyes and folds. Rafael matches and Patrick deals another card.

“So much for your flush.” Ryan chuckles when I’m dealt a five of hearts.

“The three and the five are right here.” I smile, tapping the two cards face down on the table.

“Sure.” Ryan nods with a small smirk on his face.

“It’s a five to play.” I grin, sliding five chips to the center. Two pair isn’t that great of a hand, but they don’t have to know that. There is still one card left so it’s possible to get a club and complete my flush. Bluffing is half the fun anyway.

It’s just Ryan, Patrick, Rafael and I left when Patrick deals the last card. I lift it up and force back a grin when I see a three of clubs. I mean I knew it wasn’t showing, but I really didn’t expect my last card to be the one I needed to complete a straight flush.

“It’s a dollar to call boys.” I smile, pushing in ten chips.

Ryan rolls his eyes and folds, Patrick and Rafael both slide their chips to the center.

“Ok, let see it.” Patrick gestures to my cards so I flip over my five and three of clubs, chuckling slightly as I line them up. “I truly thought you were bluffing.” Patrick laughs flipping his own cards over to reveal his straight.

“What do you have Raf?” Randall asks.

“A full house.” He mutters flipping his cards over.

“I knew you only had two tens.” I smile as I stack my winnings neatly next to me.

“The first two cards I was dealt.” He chuckles.

I’m not sure how late we played. My stack of chips fluctuating heavily as the night progressed. Randall and Caleb were the first to cash out and head to bed, followed not far behind by Brian. We had all been drinking, not terribly concerned for the amount since no one was driving.

Rafael notices me yawn and nudges my thigh. “We should probably cash out too if we’re going to walk back to the cottage.”

There’s a small path connecting the two properties so we had decided, given the limited beds in the cabin, that we’d walk back if we hadn’t drank too much to do so. It’d be easier when it came to showering in the morning anyway.

Rafael holds my hand in one hand and a flashlight in the other as we make our way through the patch of trees separating the two structures.

“How drunk are you?” He whispers.

“I have a nice buzz going... bordering on drunk, but not an I won’t remember tomorrow level or anything, why?”

“I was just thinking we could slip off the path a bit and...” He wiggles his eyebrows at me.

“Who are you and what have you done with my uptight Rafael?” I chuckle.

“I’m not uptight.”

“Fine... respectable, genteel...” I grin before adding, “slightly rigid”

“Oh,” his eyebrows go up, “I’ll show you rigid.”

We’re both laughing when he drags me off the path a bit, his hands slipping under my shirt as he kisses me.

“Seriously Raf,” I pant, pulling back from the kiss to look at him, “you want to... out here?”

“I’ve never done it outside.” He’s smiling with his eyes and his hands are inching higher, toying with the clasp of my bra.

“Neither have I but...” I glance around, “we really aren’t that far from the cabin... if both bathrooms are occupied and one of them wanders out here to pee they could find us.”

“So, we venture a bit closer to our place.” Rafael hums, pulling me back to his lips.

“And what? Do it against a tree?”

“This isn’t happening is it?” He sighs, guiding us back to the path.

“Maybe if I was in my twenties... at thirty six it seems...”

“Seems what?” He chuckles.

“Uncomfortable.”

“You would have really ran off in the woods with me to have sex in your twenties?”

I shrug. “Too bad you’ll never know.” Rafael rolls his eyes as I give him a little grin over my shoulder while dragging him back to the cottage.

“What if I take you camping sometime?”

“I can’t picture you camping.”

“Neither can I, but if we did one day...”

“Go camping?” I chuckle.

“Yes, on one of our yearly get aways.” He smirks.

“No showers, cooking over a fire, and sleeping in a tent, camping?”

“If we did... would you?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“How close the nearest camp is... how cold it is... if you packed an air mattress.” Rafael laughs and shakes his head while I unlock the door. “You’ll settle for the bedroom tonight?”

“I guess I’ll have to.” He mutters while trying not to grin, so I smack his ass as I let him pass me.

“Jesus...” Rafael groans, his hands immediately going to his head in a feeble attempt to stop his head from pounding.

“Drink too much?” I chuckle from across the room.

“I don’t remember leaving the cabin last night.” He’s briefly tried to sit up and is now flat on his back with his eyes closed.

“So you don’t remember trying to convince me to have sex in the woods?”

“I did not.” He huffs.

“You did too.” I laugh.

“We didn’t did we?” He’s managed to lift his head enough to look at me.

“No. You’re a very reasonable drunk.”

Rafael rolls his eyes and then seems to instantly regret it when they flinch shut again. “How are you not hungover?”

“Well... unlike you, I didn’t forget how old I am and drank accordingly.”

“But you did shots.”

“No I did one shot and alternated my drinks with water.”

“I don’t know how many shots I did...”

“Come on, get up and take a steamy shower. It’ll help you feel a little better.” I tug on his arm, trying to get him out of bed.

“You want to join me?” He attempts to smirk but it turns more into a grimace.

“I’ve been up for an hour and have already showered, but I will get coffee going for you.”

“Coffee good.”

“Come on, up up.” I chuckle.

Rafael drags himself out of bed and to the restroom.

“Why was my shirt from last night on the stairs?” Rafael’s clutching a travel thermos as we walk back to the cabin. He seems a bit better now that he’s had coffee and is up moving around.

“Because that’s where you were when you decided to take it off.”

Rafael groans. “I didn’t do anything embarrassing did I?”

“We had sex and fell asleep, nothing else happened.”

“What about before we left the cabin?”

“You honestly really didn’t seem that drunk.” I shrug, taking his hand in mine.

“You’re sure?”

“I promise.”

“Ok... I just hate not remembering...”

I tug him to a stop, turning us so I can kiss him. “I promise you seemed like yourself,” I run my fingers through the hair just behind his ear, “I’d tell you if you hadn’t.”

“Except for trying to convince you to have sex in the woods...” He grumbles.

“There’s something thrilling about the idea of having sex outside.” I chuckle.

“So you considered it?” He smirks.

“For about half a second. Then as I tried to figure out where we’d actually do it nothing seemed terribly comfortable.”

“What, you don’t want twigs and leaves poking you in the back?”

“Scraping into my skin as you poke me... no, not really.” I smile.

“Poke?” He’s clearly amused by my word choice, but I shrug it off. “Well, my knees and elbows thank you for not drinking enough to go along with me.” He chuckles.

“You’re really cute.” I smirk.

“Why?”

“Just are.” I grin, dragging him behind me as I start us moving again.

My brother, Randall, and Brian are the only ones we see when we get to the cabin. They’re sitting on the pier, quietly fishing while enjoying the morning breeze off the water.

“Our childhood buddies still asleep?” I ask as we join them.

“Yes, you’re annoyingly perky.” Patrick mutters.

“You want me to make breakfast?”

“Would you?” Patrick seems much happier that I’m not hungover now.

“I’ll let you know when it’s ready.” I chuckle and head into the cabin.

Ryan is passed out on the couch, but the other two are nowhere to be seen, so I assume Sam got the last of the beds when they finally decided to crash last night. I’m trying not to make too much noise, but I’m pretty sure the smell of bacon cooking is what wakes Ryan.

“Hey Mags.”

“Hey Ryan.” I smile, handing him a piece of bacon while pushing an empty coffee mug his way.

He takes the bacon, but shakes his head at the mug. Instead he opens the fridge and pulls out vodka and Bloody Mary mix.

“Want one?” He ask as he pours his own.

“Sure.” I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a Bloody Mary.

“Where’s Patrick and the others?”

“The Harvard crew is out on the pier, everyone else is still asleep.”

“You want help?” Ryan asks, gesturing to the pan with sausage.

“Yes, thank you,” I smile. “Would you mind flipping the potatoes too so they don’t stick?” This allows me to actually start on the eggs

We work side by side for a bit, neither of us speaking. It’s not awkward though, Ryan’s familiar... like family.

“So which one of Charlene’s bridesmaids are you hitting on at brunch tomorrow?”

“Her sister.” He grins.

We spent the majority of the day lazing about the cabin grounds, everyone taking it a bit easier on the alcohol. Sam, Caleb, and Ryan were the only ones adventurous enough to actually get in the water, the rest of us content to lounge on the pier. We went into Hartford for dinner and played poker for the remainder of the evening. And while the last day of his bachelor weekend was fairly uneventful, Patrick seemed to enjoy himself.

“Maggie, hi.” Charlene smiles as Rafael and I approach the table her and her friends are already sitting at.

“Hi Charlene, this is my boyfriend Rafael.” I smile back.

“It’s nice to meet you. This is my sister Colette, and then we have Kiera, Becky, Whitney, Kim, Laura, and Hannah.” Charlene points around the table as she names each of them off.

“Patrick and the others aren’t far behind.” I smile, taking the seat one over from Charlene, leaving the space for Patrick to sit next to her.

“Sam didn’t try to sneak in a stripper did he?” She whispers, leaning across the empty chair between us.

“No, he didn’t. My brother was fairly adamant that that wasn’t happening.” I chuckle.

“Good.” Charlene smiled, seeming to relax a bit.

“You two met at Harvard?” Whitney asks. She’s the only blond of the bunch which makes her name easiest to remember.

“A lifetime ago.” I chuckle.

“How are the other two groomsmen from Harvard?” Becky grins.

“Randall and Brian? I don’t know... they’re nice,” I shrug. I’ve never really paid much attention to them.

“They could care less about nice,” Colette chuckles, “they just want to know if they’re attractive.”

“They’re attractive.” I laugh while shaking my head.

“They are?” Rafael lifts a brow at me.

“I promise, I’ve only ever liked you.” I smirk.

“Did you two date in college?” Hannah asks.

“No.” Rafael and I both reply.

The ceremony itself is beautiful. Patrick and Charlene chose the date they wanted, not concerned for the fact that it fell on a Wednesday. They couldn’t have asked for better weather for an outdoor wedding, a light breeze with temperatures hovering in the low seventies. Seven of us flank each side as they exchange vows at the edge of a meadow, the tree line just behind them. Rafael takes my hand at one point causing me to smile over my shoulder at him, both of us dressed in matching charcoal suits with maroon suspenders and ties, mine tailored to look more feminine.

“I’m beginning to realize why woman like my suspenders so much.” Rafael chuckles as he slides his fingers up them, the backs of which graze my stomach.

“Woman like your suspenders?”

“They seem to.” He grins, using them to tug me against him.

“You think it’s just because it gives us something to hold on to.” I chuckle.

“What else?” His hands graze a bit higher and I’m thankful my suit jacket is hiding his movements.

“I think you’ve underestimated how good you look in them with your jacket off and your sleeves rolled up.”

“So you do like them?” Rafael smirks.

“Uh huh.” I nod, pushing up to kiss him.

We’ve been standing in a short line at the bar and head back to our seats once we get our drinks. Rafael’s hands behaving themselves once occupied with a scotch.

“I want that one day.” I smile, gesturing across the dance floor with my eyes.

“Kids!” I really don’t think he meant to sound as alarmed by the idea of children as he ended up sounding, especially since he immediately back tracked. “I mean we can... if you want... one day.”

“You are totally freaked by the idea of children.” I chuckle.

“I... I’ve just never really thought about having kids.”

“Neither have I. I have nothing against the idea of children, I’ve just always been focused on work.” I shrug.

“Then why’d you look at the kids playing on the dance floor and say you wanted that one day?” Rafael’s brow is furrowed in a way that makes me laugh and press my hand to his cheek.

“Not the kids.” I shift his gaze back across the dance floor and point at my grandparents sitting as close together as we are while whispering to each other. “That.”

“The old couple?” He chuckles.

“I want what my grandparents have.”

“Those are you’re grandparents?”

“They are and they I have been that in love for over sixty years... I want that.” I smile.

“Then I’ll do my best to give it you.” Rafael smirks, tugging me under his arm and kissing my forehead.


End file.
